A HOMEMAKER IS:

I'm unsettled.

I'm unsettled regarding the stigma of a "Homemaker" or "Just a Stay-at-home-Mom."

Thankfully, I dwell in circles where this calling is affirmed and encouraged and my husband isn't the only one saying his homemaking wife "works harder than I do.":)

Maybe it's my pride.  Maybe it's my stubbornness.  Maybe it's my innate desire for justice and for all to believe what's true.  But I don't want to settle for just being content in my heart with knowing that being a homemaker is more than the stigma of having little value or at least being underappreciated even if its value would be verbally praised.

I want to have a voice.  When someone asks me, "What do you do?"  I want to respond with something thought-provoking, something that makes others (even fellow SAHMs) pause and ponder the honor and significance of being a homemaker.  Something that catches so that this generation can break the mold and when the vocation (from the root of "the calling") of "homemaker" is mentioned it invokes a sense of awe instead of invoking a sense of awkwardness.

I listened to a John Piper Mother's Day sermon on Proverbs 1:7-9 that brought me to tears as it resonated with my heart's desire to invest deeply into my children.  It challenged and inspired me as I feel where I fall short in my wrestling between getting caught in my own agenda and having my heart set on things above.

And I feel the weight and get weighed down emotionally, physically, and now that I think of it spiritually as well (not keeping God's perspective) by the mundane, the interruptions, the resistance, the lack of evidence that I'm making a difference in the life of these littles (ages 6,4, & 19 months).  Hmmmm...to have the faith and hope and anticipation of looking forward and seeing/knowing what they will need to be impactors for the kingdom down the road without being discouraged by the reality that there will be areas I fail them in and DEAR LORD, may it NOT be failing them in ways in which they will be hindered in walking WITH YOU and Serving FOR YOUR GLORY!  Oh, the wisdom that will take!  May my heart be like the young man Solomon desiring wisdom...for me, LORD, wisdom in parenting, shepherding these sheep you have entrusted to me and not be distracted by my desire for order, praise, perfection, or any other idol.

So back to the reality of "Homemaker." "Homemaker" has a "simple" connotation for the "simple-minded."  When in reality a "Home-maker" is:

A Love-maker (first and "should be" foremost:))
A Peace-maker (a unique challenge with lots of sinners living in close quarters day in and day out)
A Food-maker (3 to sometimes 6 times a day!  Time to figure out what to eat, get it ready, and clean it                                  up again!?!)
A Mend-maker (from broken zipper to broken heart, from bruised knee to bruised confidence)
A Bed-maker (and all the other laundry that comes with the sheets)
A Clean-maker (or at least straightening it up somewhat regularly!)
A Decision-maker (all the small instantaneous "Mom, can I's...?" to the medium "Where should we play which sport? to the important "How do I best, most genuinely instruct you in the ways of the LORD!?!"
A Comfort-maker (from comforting the crying baby, the whining toddler, or upset teenager to making the guests feel comfortable, showing genuine Christian hospitality and not just entertaining with a matching themed ambiance.)
A Decorator (all those little things that make a house a home)

And all that just in the home...

Not to mention the chauffeuring, the cheerleading, the appointments, the shopping...all the activities of the executive homemaker that make up the "out of office" hours!

(**And this is not by any means intended to cause division amidst my sisters-in-Christ who choose to have a monetary job.  This is just my processing my personal feelings of the societal stigma of being a homemaker.)

Submission-An Unexpected Reversal

"Submission" - that word that seems synonymous with "doormat" in many minds.

Although it conflicts with the sinful aspect of independence that I inherited from Mother Eve, I have come to believe that what God explains in Ephesians 5:17-33 is truly that way that God designed His world to work best.  But, unfortunately, we live in a broken world that often doesn't look like that model and thus the conclusion has become that "submission" is the problem.  I would argue that it isn't God's way that it is the problem, but those not following God's way that cause the model not to work properly.

As an opinionated, independent woman the quiet and gentle spirit of the godly submissive woman in 1 Peter has been a struggle for me.  However, I saw an unexpected blessing of me having a submissive heart recently...

DH's Dad offered to buy DS4 a specific gift last week.  My initial response was a rash, "What would we do that for?" To me, it seemed ridiculous to buy a 4 year old this present.  So, it came back up and DH and I were discussing the progress Grandpa had made in shopping for this said gift.  At that time I respectfully shared my concerns...though I hadn't thought through an articulate explanation, I rambled enough that he caught the idea that I thought this gift might be a little "too cool" for our four year old who already struggled with having to be the best and the fastest and similar pride issues.  I was concerned that this gift would perpetuate those feelings, but that he wasn't at the emotional maturity level that we could just take it away if those issues did indeed arise.  

The decision wasn't a matter of one choice was sin and the other wasn't.  It also wasn't an issue in my heart of me just wanting it to go according to what "I think" is appropriate and thus me being an over-protective controlling mom.  I had legitimate concerns, DH heard them and assessed.  At one point he said, "I understand where you're coming from, but I still think it's OK."  

On the one hand I wanted to put on my attorney's suit and defend my case, getting him also to not just understand my position, but to "feel" the same way I did.  But, looking back, my heart was at peace...I was willing to submit to him giving his dad permission to move forward with the purchase, even though I could foresee problems, which I would prefer to avoid.  In the end, he told his dad to hold off...not a "no", but a wait. 

Ephesians 5:21 - "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

I felt very loved and respected that though he thought it was an OK gift, he saw wisdom in the wait and was willing to articulate that to his dad.  And I am thankful that Grandpa was willing to "submit" to our decision as parents - he was open to our input from the beginning & respected it (even though maybe he thought it unnecessary precautions).

So, "submission" could have looked like me just letting them go ahead with the gift without saying anything.  But the consequences of that could have been me getting bitter if there were issues I foresaw or the issues arise and they become a big problem that could have been avoided if I had used wisdom in sharing what I saw as "God honoring wisdom" (not putting an unnecessary potential temptation in front of our young son).  

That was a good practical lesson for me - submission does not have to mean not saying anything, but it does mean if you do say something it must be with a quiet, gentle, and respectful spirit, willing to relinquish my desire should the decision sway against my preference.