If you don't know me personally, you have probably gathered from this blog that I am an intense person. Intense, intentional, serious (although I love to laugh, I am not the Fun Creator).
Lately, I have been spending Sunday afternoon - while my family naps - resting my soul with a good book, articulating and thus imprinting on my heart what God's been teaching me by posting on this blog, being refreshed and/or spiritually challenged through www.aholyexperience.com, or a combination of the above with maybe something else thrown in occasionally.
Sunday, February 19, 2012 I found myself plain worn out - physically, emotionally, spiritually...
It had been a long week and I was tired of it all -- tired of the pressure for progress with Grandpa moving in, tired of conflict with multiple loved ones, tired of the spiritual battle...
As I thought about my Sunday afternoon, my heart sank heavy - none of my usual activities sounded restful and rejuvenating...instead they felt heavy and I needed to be lightened. I didn't want to just go through the motions and I couldn't discern what would God would want me to do. Nothing sounded good except that Cheesecake Factory Brownie Cheesecake from Pancho Villa restaurant.
I went to hang my purse up and noticed the DVD in the pocket that a friend from church let me borrow to preview for DS...Cars 2. I do not like the idea of watching a movie on Sabbath -- an escape that numbs my mind and heart instead filling it with the Life-giving Truth of God and His Word, but...Cars 2 sounded good to this 31 year old mama on this heavy afternoon in February!
For some reason God gave me a peace (no guilt!) I would not have expected - a peace to drive 24 minutes round trip and spend $7 (including tip) on a slice of cheesecake! (those who know this Scottish thrift know that I normally don't have peace about that kind of "waste" of time & money) and the freedom to watch a purely entertaining film. It was a peace that said "This isn't emotional eating and this isn't an escape - this is the freedom I'm offering my beloved daughter because I love her."
And the even more pleasant surprise...I felt refreshed afterward! I know those things don't give life in and of themselves and so I was expecting to feel about the same when it was all said and done. (Which happened minutes before DD woke up from her nap and the call of motherhood rung again - thank you , LORD!) But in the LORD's faithfulness, He is the One who granted the freedom and He provided the refreshment. Cheesecake and a movie wouldn't be refreshing for me each Sunday, but when Guided by the Giver, there is even refreshment for "The Intense" in a quiet afternoon with dessert and Disney.
What a beautiful lesson, thank you, dear Father!
Showing posts with label Intense. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intense. Show all posts
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Resonating...
I read three things this afternoon during my Sabbath Rest and those three things READ ME:
1) Gary Thomas' "Sacred Parenting" - Sacrifice: How Raising Children Teaches Us to Sacrifice - pgs. 178-188
~ "While we find it easy to "open up" a spiritual gift, it's not so easy to lay one down on God's behalf."
~ "Christianity was birthed in sacrifice and calls us to many acts of sacrifice."..."On the back of Christ's sacrifice"
~ "How do kids get nurtured with the active love, available counsel, and prayerful presence they so desperately need? On the backs of their mothers' sacrifices, that's how."
~ "Sometimes responsibility, loyalty, and maturity call us to willingly lay down our dreams for the sake of those we love - and in the hope that hose who come after us can accomplish even more than we could."
~ "However 'important' we may think we are, we should expect that God can do even more important things through our children. It is our duty to give them our full attention and our best effort, hoping that they can build on this to become influential Christians themselves..." (not becoming so busy with their "own ministries")
~ Matthew 14
A Post To Come to explain how reading this chapter read me...
2) John Eldredge's "Walking with God" - 'Learning How to Listen', 'Whole and Holy', 'Making Room for Joy' - pgs. 25 - 41
~ Since being introduced to "God Guides", I have entered the adventure of *Listening to God*. Not as immediately, regularly, or well as I would like, but a desire fulfilled more in the last year than ever before...and I call that Spiritual Growth. To read Eldredge's explanation of how he "Learned to Listen" resonates with me. I am encouraged to know I am not alone in Learning to be a Listener and that he's teaching others too!
~ Whole and Holy - Holiness is a calling I am so conscious to strive for and again I sometimes feel alone is my intensity of that striving. Wholeness/healing is also a drumbeat in my heart (connected to "Post To Come" above). And Eldredge articulates it in a way that I say, "YES!" "You can't find the holiness you want without deep wholeness. And you can't find the wholeness you want without deep holiness." Holiness of Christ --> Healing --> Wholeness --> Holiness
~ Eldredge heard from God on "Making Room for Joy" and this brought tears to my eyes - again, I am not alone in my struggle to experience the Christian Joy... that Joy that is just supposed to overflow from me because I Know Christ!?!?
3) Ann Voskamp's website "A Holy Experience"
One post on how she feels like she's "just not getting it all right". Again, brought tears to my eyes...this is a woman I do not know personally, but I have been ministered to deeply through her website writings. I admire her walk with God, being a decade or so down the road from me. I want to learn from her, because what she writes about resonates with what I want to grow in. And then to read that she feels inadequate "just like me." I am not alone - in my striving for holiness and God's sweet reminders to rely humbly on Him! In Ann Voskamp's own words, "Praise not Perfection; Grace not Grindstone." And what perfect timing as I am flailing in getting life back to "normal" after three weeks of upheaval due to my mother-in-law's illness and death, return home from a funeral, and decide on, buy, wrap, and mail Christmas presents! And then to read her next post...and cry more...this too is my heart's cry for a radical Christmas.
40 Days of Surrender - Day 61 - Surrender "Getting it all right" NOW - For a list of the "Daily Lesson" titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
1) Gary Thomas' "Sacred Parenting" - Sacrifice: How Raising Children Teaches Us to Sacrifice - pgs. 178-188
~ "While we find it easy to "open up" a spiritual gift, it's not so easy to lay one down on God's behalf."
~ "Christianity was birthed in sacrifice and calls us to many acts of sacrifice."..."On the back of Christ's sacrifice"
~ "How do kids get nurtured with the active love, available counsel, and prayerful presence they so desperately need? On the backs of their mothers' sacrifices, that's how."
~ "Sometimes responsibility, loyalty, and maturity call us to willingly lay down our dreams for the sake of those we love - and in the hope that hose who come after us can accomplish even more than we could."
~ "However 'important' we may think we are, we should expect that God can do even more important things through our children. It is our duty to give them our full attention and our best effort, hoping that they can build on this to become influential Christians themselves..." (not becoming so busy with their "own ministries")
~ Matthew 14
A Post To Come to explain how reading this chapter read me...
2) John Eldredge's "Walking with God" - 'Learning How to Listen', 'Whole and Holy', 'Making Room for Joy' - pgs. 25 - 41
~ Since being introduced to "God Guides", I have entered the adventure of *Listening to God*. Not as immediately, regularly, or well as I would like, but a desire fulfilled more in the last year than ever before...and I call that Spiritual Growth. To read Eldredge's explanation of how he "Learned to Listen" resonates with me. I am encouraged to know I am not alone in Learning to be a Listener and that he's teaching others too!
~ Whole and Holy - Holiness is a calling I am so conscious to strive for and again I sometimes feel alone is my intensity of that striving. Wholeness/healing is also a drumbeat in my heart (connected to "Post To Come" above). And Eldredge articulates it in a way that I say, "YES!" "You can't find the holiness you want without deep wholeness. And you can't find the wholeness you want without deep holiness." Holiness of Christ --> Healing --> Wholeness --> Holiness
~ Eldredge heard from God on "Making Room for Joy" and this brought tears to my eyes - again, I am not alone in my struggle to experience the Christian Joy... that Joy that is just supposed to overflow from me because I Know Christ!?!?
3) Ann Voskamp's website "A Holy Experience"
One post on how she feels like she's "just not getting it all right". Again, brought tears to my eyes...this is a woman I do not know personally, but I have been ministered to deeply through her website writings. I admire her walk with God, being a decade or so down the road from me. I want to learn from her, because what she writes about resonates with what I want to grow in. And then to read that she feels inadequate "just like me." I am not alone - in my striving for holiness and God's sweet reminders to rely humbly on Him! In Ann Voskamp's own words, "Praise not Perfection; Grace not Grindstone." And what perfect timing as I am flailing in getting life back to "normal" after three weeks of upheaval due to my mother-in-law's illness and death, return home from a funeral, and decide on, buy, wrap, and mail Christmas presents! And then to read her next post...and cry more...this too is my heart's cry for a radical Christmas.
40 Days of Surrender - Day 61 - Surrender "Getting it all right" NOW - For a list of the "Daily Lesson" titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Birth of "LORD, Let Me Learn"...
I have resisted the media avenues of blogs and the social networks of facebook, etc. because I have wanted to invest in the real people in my life with the limited capacity I have in this stage of life with two little ones. However, this blog is the door the LORD has opened for me as an opportunity to have a cup-filling experience! It "fills my cup" to have refreshing drinks in The Word with others. So, whether I personally know you or not, it is my cup-filling joy to share these drinks of the living, refreshing Word of God with you! Here is the story of seeds that have flourished into "LORD, Let Me Learn".
In 2003, I was a speaker for a Christian retreat of college women. One of the volunteers approached me afterward and said something to the affect of, "You are an intense person. That is such a good quality, don't let anyone discourage you of that." That was a powerful statement as I often do feel a little "out of touch" with others. Others who are more funny and laugh easily, Others who are light-hearted and spontaneous. I'm just not wired that way. I am serious and intense and structured. Not that I don't appreciate a good laugh or a spontaneous adventure, but that just doesn't come naturally for me. I have held that affirmation dear over the years as it has encouraged who the LORD has made me to be, helps me reign in my intensity when needed, and helps me understand why I may feel "out of touch."
Over the years, I have longed for intimate fellowship - dear friends I can share my deep spiritual thoughts and ponderings with. People who also appreciate digging deeply into the Scriptures and hearing from and obeying the voice of the Spirit. I have a few of these dear friends, but don't have those type of conversations as often as I would desire or would be soul fulfilling for me.
In July of 2011, I was riding in the car with my husband on the way home from a little getaway we had. I was sharing how I am so energized by insights the LORD has taught me, but don't feel like I have many "outlets" for that.
September 17, 2011 - an evening of discouragement.:(
September 18, 2011 - a day a many rejuvenating insights! I had decided to go to the local coffee shop to get some extended time with the LORD while my family napped. Before I went I wanted to read a blog that a friend had recommended. (Mind you at the time I was not a follower on any blog and had only occasionally read blogs of friends or specific posts friends sent from other blogs.) But this friend had been sharing that she struggled maintaining the LORD's perspective of thankfulness and that this blog (of Ann Voskamp) helped her. Considering, I slumped into sadness the evening before, I decided it would be good to be refreshed on a thankful perspective before spending time with God at the coffee shop. Ann's post on Sept. 18 took my breath away! I was so moved to be in step with the Spirit. It's been something I've been striving for consciously recently, but to read hear of another fellow believer have a sense of victory in this area was motivating. I basically ran out the door, grabbing a book on worship to read and drink deeply of, and rushed off to the coffee shop. On the way over, I thought about the points of insight the LORD had shared with me so far that day - in my personal time with Him in the morning, during our Sunday School class, and during the sermon. Because of how inpactful Ann's blog was on me and because I have these insights that I don't feel like I have an outlet for, the idea of starting my own blog crossed my mind! If only a few people can be encouraged in their walks with Christ by only a few of my posts, like I was, it would be worth it. When I got to the coffee shop, the barista asked, "How are you?" I responded, "Good." AND I MEANT it! That's the first time I've FELT "GOOD" in a long time. (Though I've been trying to LEARN the TRUTH of JOY for years now:)). I sat with my white hot chocolate and journal and scribbled all the exciting thoughts going through me head. I wanted to ask God if it was just my fleshly idea to do a blog or Spirit inspired. I sensed Him saying that as long as I keep the focus on proclaiming the insights He's guided me to and am sensitive to it not taking time away from the other responsibilities He's entrusted me with, it would be disobedient not to pursue it at this point!
I had jotted down some of the phrases that have stuck with me lately (which I used as my subtitle, "Abide in Love, etc." and on the drive home (I couldn't get home fast enough to get started!) the phrase "Teach Me" came to mind as a Title, then Teach Me To. They weren't available, but Lord Teach Me To was. I was hesitant to have "Lord" in the title as not to "scare away" non-believers, but since sharing deep insights with believers serious about walking more intimately with Jesus was my focus, it seemed weak not to. Then the alliteration of "Lord Let Me Learn" came to mind and I like how that has a more humble tone and a tone of the learning "process" as I learn something initially but then the LORD continues bringing it to mind and bringing opportunities that enable me to actually learn and put into practice what He's been teaching. So, LORD, Please Let Me Learn...
In 2003, I was a speaker for a Christian retreat of college women. One of the volunteers approached me afterward and said something to the affect of, "You are an intense person. That is such a good quality, don't let anyone discourage you of that." That was a powerful statement as I often do feel a little "out of touch" with others. Others who are more funny and laugh easily, Others who are light-hearted and spontaneous. I'm just not wired that way. I am serious and intense and structured. Not that I don't appreciate a good laugh or a spontaneous adventure, but that just doesn't come naturally for me. I have held that affirmation dear over the years as it has encouraged who the LORD has made me to be, helps me reign in my intensity when needed, and helps me understand why I may feel "out of touch."
Over the years, I have longed for intimate fellowship - dear friends I can share my deep spiritual thoughts and ponderings with. People who also appreciate digging deeply into the Scriptures and hearing from and obeying the voice of the Spirit. I have a few of these dear friends, but don't have those type of conversations as often as I would desire or would be soul fulfilling for me.
In July of 2011, I was riding in the car with my husband on the way home from a little getaway we had. I was sharing how I am so energized by insights the LORD has taught me, but don't feel like I have many "outlets" for that.
September 17, 2011 - an evening of discouragement.:(
September 18, 2011 - a day a many rejuvenating insights! I had decided to go to the local coffee shop to get some extended time with the LORD while my family napped. Before I went I wanted to read a blog that a friend had recommended. (Mind you at the time I was not a follower on any blog and had only occasionally read blogs of friends or specific posts friends sent from other blogs.) But this friend had been sharing that she struggled maintaining the LORD's perspective of thankfulness and that this blog (of Ann Voskamp) helped her. Considering, I slumped into sadness the evening before, I decided it would be good to be refreshed on a thankful perspective before spending time with God at the coffee shop. Ann's post on Sept. 18 took my breath away! I was so moved to be in step with the Spirit. It's been something I've been striving for consciously recently, but to read hear of another fellow believer have a sense of victory in this area was motivating. I basically ran out the door, grabbing a book on worship to read and drink deeply of, and rushed off to the coffee shop. On the way over, I thought about the points of insight the LORD had shared with me so far that day - in my personal time with Him in the morning, during our Sunday School class, and during the sermon. Because of how inpactful Ann's blog was on me and because I have these insights that I don't feel like I have an outlet for, the idea of starting my own blog crossed my mind! If only a few people can be encouraged in their walks with Christ by only a few of my posts, like I was, it would be worth it. When I got to the coffee shop, the barista asked, "How are you?" I responded, "Good." AND I MEANT it! That's the first time I've FELT "GOOD" in a long time. (Though I've been trying to LEARN the TRUTH of JOY for years now:)). I sat with my white hot chocolate and journal and scribbled all the exciting thoughts going through me head. I wanted to ask God if it was just my fleshly idea to do a blog or Spirit inspired. I sensed Him saying that as long as I keep the focus on proclaiming the insights He's guided me to and am sensitive to it not taking time away from the other responsibilities He's entrusted me with, it would be disobedient not to pursue it at this point!
I had jotted down some of the phrases that have stuck with me lately (which I used as my subtitle, "Abide in Love, etc." and on the drive home (I couldn't get home fast enough to get started!) the phrase "Teach Me" came to mind as a Title, then Teach Me To. They weren't available, but Lord Teach Me To was. I was hesitant to have "Lord" in the title as not to "scare away" non-believers, but since sharing deep insights with believers serious about walking more intimately with Jesus was my focus, it seemed weak not to. Then the alliteration of "Lord Let Me Learn" came to mind and I like how that has a more humble tone and a tone of the learning "process" as I learn something initially but then the LORD continues bringing it to mind and bringing opportunities that enable me to actually learn and put into practice what He's been teaching. So, LORD, Please Let Me Learn...
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