Friday evening…sweet, sweet evening with women at church. Delicious food, even better conversation, with one woman in particular, and awesome missionary stories of the work of our magnificent God!
Sunday morning…attack from the enemy. But, oh beauty from ashes, beauty from ashes! The ashen grey of my heart – burned from husband hurt, burned from my heart’s wondering around the sanctuary and comparing to other women…women who serve the church, women who serve better than me; women my same age, with one or two more children than I have, who have even more responsibility than I do as their time demands the homeschooling of those children. Song sung (Lead Me, by Sanctus Real); tears roll and a visit to the bathroom cleanses, especially when a deacon’s wife pursues me and listens and speaks words of mercy…beauty from ashes. Later than evening more beauty from ashes …Husband shares that the song ministered to him as well. A brokenness that leads to a break-through in our seven year marriage…beauty from ashes, beauty from ashes!
Monday morning…what does serving the church really look like in Scripture? I fall into the temptation of comparing myself to other women who are serving the church when in actuality – rather in faith – I should look to Scripture as my model and the LORD as my Guide.
Even when we read Scripture we could easily get a warped perspective because at first read it appears that the followers of Christ are always preaching, teaching, and performing signs and wonders in His name. But chronologically (as I was reading through Acts), all this ministry was done by several different disciples over an extended period of time. And fittingly, God had recorded in His scriptures mainly His works. We don’t get a lot of other details about what the lives of the followers of Jesus entailed. Simple realization, but realizing that gave me a freedom that my ministry did not have to be a continual overt word and deed proclaiming the glory of God. A confirmation that my day in and day out words and deeds ARE my ministry, not just the overt “God talks” and “God works”. There is no recording of each disciple having a continual act of serving the Church, thus scripture does not call me to have a continual hands on service to the church. Some are called to more service and some are called to more teaching and some don’t have either call, so why do I compare myself to something the LORD is not calling me to? I am not called to “be like her;” I am called to “be like Him”...be like Him in character and do as God Guides me to do, not as God (may or may not have) guided her to do.