Submission-An Unexpected Reversal

"Submission" - that word that seems synonymous with "doormat" in many minds.

Although it conflicts with the sinful aspect of independence that I inherited from Mother Eve, I have come to believe that what God explains in Ephesians 5:17-33 is truly that way that God designed His world to work best.  But, unfortunately, we live in a broken world that often doesn't look like that model and thus the conclusion has become that "submission" is the problem.  I would argue that it isn't God's way that it is the problem, but those not following God's way that cause the model not to work properly.

As an opinionated, independent woman the quiet and gentle spirit of the godly submissive woman in 1 Peter has been a struggle for me.  However, I saw an unexpected blessing of me having a submissive heart recently...

DH's Dad offered to buy DS4 a specific gift last week.  My initial response was a rash, "What would we do that for?" To me, it seemed ridiculous to buy a 4 year old this present.  So, it came back up and DH and I were discussing the progress Grandpa had made in shopping for this said gift.  At that time I respectfully shared my concerns...though I hadn't thought through an articulate explanation, I rambled enough that he caught the idea that I thought this gift might be a little "too cool" for our four year old who already struggled with having to be the best and the fastest and similar pride issues.  I was concerned that this gift would perpetuate those feelings, but that he wasn't at the emotional maturity level that we could just take it away if those issues did indeed arise.  

The decision wasn't a matter of one choice was sin and the other wasn't.  It also wasn't an issue in my heart of me just wanting it to go according to what "I think" is appropriate and thus me being an over-protective controlling mom.  I had legitimate concerns, DH heard them and assessed.  At one point he said, "I understand where you're coming from, but I still think it's OK."  

On the one hand I wanted to put on my attorney's suit and defend my case, getting him also to not just understand my position, but to "feel" the same way I did.  But, looking back, my heart was at peace...I was willing to submit to him giving his dad permission to move forward with the purchase, even though I could foresee problems, which I would prefer to avoid.  In the end, he told his dad to hold off...not a "no", but a wait. 

Ephesians 5:21 - "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

I felt very loved and respected that though he thought it was an OK gift, he saw wisdom in the wait and was willing to articulate that to his dad.  And I am thankful that Grandpa was willing to "submit" to our decision as parents - he was open to our input from the beginning & respected it (even though maybe he thought it unnecessary precautions).

So, "submission" could have looked like me just letting them go ahead with the gift without saying anything.  But the consequences of that could have been me getting bitter if there were issues I foresaw or the issues arise and they become a big problem that could have been avoided if I had used wisdom in sharing what I saw as "God honoring wisdom" (not putting an unnecessary potential temptation in front of our young son).  

That was a good practical lesson for me - submission does not have to mean not saying anything, but it does mean if you do say something it must be with a quiet, gentle, and respectful spirit, willing to relinquish my desire should the decision sway against my preference.

Already, but not yet...

This is a phrase I have heard in regard to our eternal hope..."already, but not yet"

We already have salvation, but not yet.
We already have the hope of living in peace with Christ, but not yet are able to experience the full effects.
We already have the security of Christ conquering our enemy, but not yet do we live in the fullness of that freedom.

I was reminded of that as I had the thought today, "I think I'll wait 'til Baby comes."  The way I chose to word that to myself struck me, for she is already.  She is here - very apparently here to me with the bulging belly:)  She has come, she is with us, she is our daughter, she is already, but...not yet.

To be fully with us, to experience her fully in sight and smell and hearing and touch, she needs to be born, she needs to take a living breath.

It seems that we can have three lives to live...life from creation, where God knits us together in our mother's womb (Psalms 139) to birth, where God breaths into us the breath of life (Gen. 3) (our first physical impregnation to birth experience)...to new creation (2 Cor. 5:17) where we are reborn and the Holy Spirit breaths His ever-present life into us (our first spiritual impregnation, where we are in the dark not seeing the world as God intended it to operate until we experience our spiritual birth)...to creation redeemed, where we enter into the new heavens and the new earth (Rev.21-22) and experience God in all His glory and live in eternal peace and joy in the full reality of His presence!

Would this mean that our living the Christian life in this already, but not yet stage would be a second spiritual impregnation?  Where we are alive in Christ, but in the dark to the fullness & experience of the eternal promises of salvation, peace, joy, the full glory of God.  We are already, but not yet...we're in the pregnant stage?  But do we live with that reality - the bulging, living and active reality of these already but not yet promises?

I walk around just as I did before but now with a bulging belly that gets head turns and smiles - seriously I had multiple random people just smile at me in Wal-Mart yesterday and I seriously think that it's because there's something about being pregnant - the eager anticipation of the hope and the joy of birth, it brings smiles! (John 16:21)  Spiritually speaking, as we live in the "already" and wait in the "not yet", are we as the body of Christ bulging evidences of the eager anticipation of the hope and joy of birth into the Ultimate Kingdom of God, bringing smiles because it means there will be a no more pain, no more sorrow, no more sin, everything made right, reality of Creation Redeemed...as real and true as the little girl growing in the dark of this womb!

And as we live in the darkness of this world run by Satan, the prince of the power of the air (Ephesians 2:2), we can live out the reality of already, but not yet, grow in Christ and be the obvious, bulging, undeniable evidence that there is a hope worth smiling about - even in the midst of darkness, discomfort, pain, suffering!

Easier said than done, I know...But, she will be worth being joyful over amidst the discomfort & pain of pregnancy & child birth (Gen. 3:15, John 16:21) and so is HE!!!

"You have to let me take risks, Mom"

The four and a half year old voice echos the 36 year old voice, "You have to let him take risks," which echos the almost 50 year old neuro-psychologist's as his 14 year old son shows off his explosive chemistry projects.  "You have to let them take good risks [like parent supervised chemistry explosions] or they'll choose to take bad ones."

And all this after DS4 stands on the chair and jumps up and over the arm of the chair to the wooden floor below.

And his words ring back to me right after he's practicing balancing on a football and as I say, "Uh..." right before he steps up to balance on the empty foot talk oats cylinder and right as I shut my mouth and then say, "OK, go ahead."  And the cylinder buckles under him and he stumbles, but he doesn't fall and he's proud of his risk and his mama realizes that was a "good risk" - a risk with only the possibility of maybe a bruised shin and a bruised ego that leads to humility and better judgment?

And all this from cautious first born who still gets stiff in the swimming pool, his mama's second home.  This cautious first born who took the training wheels off at 51 months of age and 2 weeks later was ready for a motorcycle.  This cautious first born who is blooming into a risk-taker?

And his cautious first born mama?  Have I bloomed yet into a risk-taker?  Have I open-handedly, open-armedly, open-heartedly trusted the One in control?  Have I been a risk-taking Pray-er, a risk-taking Hoper, a risk-taking faith-filled Truster, Share-er? Have I taken the risk of breaking my alabaster jar of all I'm worth to express my love and gratitude for my Christ-bought forgiveness?  Or have I stayed in my comfortable box in which I have pseudo control...what has that gained me, really?  Hmmm...the freedom of risk-taking in God's control...what risks does God want me to take for His glory?  What will that be like?

Peeling A Hard Boiled Egg

What comes to mind when you think of peeling a hard boiled egg?

The frustration of the egg white getting stuck on the egg shell?  The potential of a beautifully smooth tasty oblong object marred by the craters?  Sometimes it's a smooth unpeeling and other times...well, there's just not much of the desired egg remaining, huh!?!

I was standing over my kitchen sink, gazing up to the pines past the park, letting the shell drop in the sink and I had an Ann Voskamp moment.  I don't feel like I have them very often.  Is that a special gifting or a learned practice?  The ability to glean a spiritual lesson out of a mundane task.  Did this analogy come to mind because I am trying to have my mind set on things above while living down on earth, having my eyes open to see the glory of God in the little things here and now?  OR was it just a coincidence?

Whatever the cause, I want to remember the lesson:

Some eggs are easy to peel other eggs are a pain in the rear - slow going and frustrating.  But, no matter how they peel, their make-up and taste is the same.  Likewise, God has created us each with the same make-up: His Image.  And yet our sin has hardened us, made us stiff-necked, obstructed the pure, smooth beauty of the glory of God to be seen by all.  God is in the business of refining for our good and His glory.  As God is peeling away our hard outer shells, does He have an easy shell to work with, like pliable clay on a potter's wheel, or do we make His work more challenging by being the stubborn piece that clings to the "comfort" of the protective shell, leaving a marred crater in its place.

Whatever it is that makes eggs easier to peel, LORD, make me a learner of Your ways - that I way live in Your world in Your way - a way that makes me easier to work with in my sanctification process and a way that bears the image of Your glory more purely and majestically!

Attack

So, I started seeing a counselor on Tuesday, May 22nd to help me sort through some key relationships I find myself in recurring conflict management with.

Wednesday, I had a spat with my husband.   Thursday the kids were squirrely, I was trying to get the house pulled together so we could leave to go swimming and I had to keep dealing with strife between them, I was wearing thin and then as they are squirrely & playing with the magnets on the fridge, DD2 crumples up the ultrasound picture.  I start crying, feeling quite out of control at that point.  We didn't end up going swimming, but two more things made me cry that morning.  That evening DH and I discussed the spat which left me in tears again right before entering in to Bible Study.  Friday, I lost it with my Father-in-law for the first time since he moved in 3 months ago and I was deeply broken by my behavior.  I just felt a mess and not myself, more like "old Jill."  Was it pregnancy hormones, feeling legitimately overwhelmed, spiritual warfare?  I called a friend to pray for me and it was ministering to me.

As I processed/journaled with the LORD Saturday morning it became evident that the events of the last three days were primarily spiritual warfare.

The enemy made the mistake (I believe God allowed Him to in order to enlighten me) of hissing the lie: "See, Jill, you'll never change.  You'll always be that emotional, over-reactor that you've always been.  Counseling won't do you any good."

And therein the Truth was exposed!  The truth is that usually I'm not like that anymore.  That means I HAVE changed.  God has worked and therefore I can have hope that He will continue to work!

The next week the enemy seemed to lay off and I didn't battle much emotional ruckus.

This past week Monday & Tuesday were tiring days with a workout where the fan wasn't reaching me, a DMV trip, almost passing out getting blood drawn (pregnant women should not fast prior blood being sucked from body), 1 hour car ride to/from doctor, and no naps either day.  None of that was especially emotional nor would I classify as spiritual warfare, but tiring nonetheless.  Wednesday, one of those cyclical marriage issues arose which had me torn & in tears - God is gracious as He lead through this, but this an attack on the emotions.  Thursday, at my OB appointment I find out that the issue that caused 1 month of discomfort in my last pregnancy will cause 6 months of discomfort this time around, increase my risk of blood clots, and I have to get out of the car to stretch every 2 hours.  We have 3 long car trips planned this summer.  The first being in 12 days - a biking/hiking trip I have had planned with 3 girlfriends since before I found out I was pregnant - this  was an emotional issue as I already feel like I'm the group's weak link and raised questions as to how this news would affect the trip.  For the next 28 hours this was heavy on my mind & heart before I talked to one of the gals who reassured me it was not going to be a drag on the group to tailor things around my "condition needs."  I really don't like being "that person" but may Christ work through this humility - when I am weak, He is strong (1 Cor. 12:12)!

Saturday, there is a church-related disagreement via email between us and a couple who are our dear friends and Bible Study group members.  DH is in the process of bringing this to resolution, but oh, so heavy on my heart & mind until it is.  Just what Satan wants to bring division among God's people - may it not be so!

So, again a tri-fold attack.  This time instead of three peoples in my home; it's once again marriage, but then also includes, my health, my friends and emotional issues therein, and unity of The Church!

Sunday, heart still heavy, but the Spirit ministered to my soul through:

This is my Father’s world, O let me ne’er forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father’s world, the battle is not done,

Jesus who died shall be satisfied, and earth and heav’n be one.

and

Jesus, Lover of My Soul, let me to thy bosom fly

While the nearer waters roll, while the tempest still is high

Hide me, O my Savior, hide, ‘til the storm is past

Safe into the haven guide, receive my soul at last

Other refuge have I none, hangs my helpless soul on Thee

Leave, ah! Leave me not alone, still support and comfort me!

This is my Father’s world, the battle is not done...I will stay in the fight knowing He's in control and try to remember to cling to Him as my refuge!

My next counseling session is Thursday, June 14th - may the LORD open my eyes and heart to see and discern the schemes of the enemy and grant me wisdom and strength to persevere as a soldier honoring her Commander...for healing to bring You Glory!

Toes or Cotton Balls? A matter of narrating for perspective

DD2 sees cotton balls and proudly says, "Toes" - Yes, sweetie, Mommy uses those cotton balls to take the nail polish off my toes.

I am struck my how her world is growing, her perspective of the world filling in.  She not only sees a bag of roundish, white puffy objects and recognizes them as cotton balls, but she is able to articulate their purpose (or at least a purpose known by her).  I am reminded of a phrase a dear older Titus 2 type woman shared with me at church one time - "Our children are excellent observers, but poor interpretters.  It is part of our responsibility as parents to narrate life for them."  And isn't this what God does for us throughout His Word - His perspective is being narrated so we are able to interpret life as He desires?

And the Spirit Prompts me with a CF thought as I think about this later in the day - As my children's perspective of their/our/God's world is forming and growing, may I be faithful to help narrate it in such a way that they are able to interpret it as God desires them to understand His world.  May they see, experience, and want to live in the Greatness and Goodness of living in God's world in God's way - acknowledging Him reigning on the throne of His kingdom, in their hearts and in this tangible universe they engage each day!  May they see and experience His glory, His goodness, His grace in the big and the small, the sacred and the secular, the ugly and the beautiful, the spectacular and the mundane!  (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28) May I see this so I can help them see this! (Random Thought - 5/27/12 - CF)

Random Thoughts

It dawned on me as I was early in the journey of hearing from God that there are different voices to discern.  Well, actually this isn't new as 1 John 4:1 makes it clear that there are different spirits, some from God, some not and we are to test them.  We are influenced by the quiet and loud, subtle and obvious voices of our past, our present, our enemies (spiritual and fleshly), our friends, our God, the media, the culture, inner, outer.  The main voices I wanted to discern were the deception of the Enemy, the fickleness of myself, and the Truth of God.

And then I realized that there are times which I know it is the voice of God - Him illuminating His Word or a sweet God Whisper (GW) to my soul and other times I don't feel like it's of me (for it seems too spiritual, too selfless, too others focused), but I'm not confident it is the voice of God. Is it just a random "good" thought or is it truly goodbecause it is inspired by God and He wants me to do something with the thought?  I think I've discerned those as Spirit Promptings (SP) in my life - prompting my heart, mind, & soul.  Not quite the directness of the voice of God that I must be obedient to (in thought and action), but His influence I should pay attention to and follow through with...for good and glory.  And then there are those thoughts which I want to grow and dwell on, to fill up my perspective so this is the way I see, so my life is more Christ-centered - shall I call them Christ-Focused (CF), Colossians 3 thoughts? 

So,  check out the "Random Thought" tab on the Home Page for some GWs and SPs and CFs which I may not have wanted to take the time to make a full blog post on, but thought it would be fun to collect them in one spot.