Submission-An Unexpected Reversal

"Submission" - that word that seems synonymous with "doormat" in many minds.

Although it conflicts with the sinful aspect of independence that I inherited from Mother Eve, I have come to believe that what God explains in Ephesians 5:17-33 is truly that way that God designed His world to work best.  But, unfortunately, we live in a broken world that often doesn't look like that model and thus the conclusion has become that "submission" is the problem.  I would argue that it isn't God's way that it is the problem, but those not following God's way that cause the model not to work properly.

As an opinionated, independent woman the quiet and gentle spirit of the godly submissive woman in 1 Peter has been a struggle for me.  However, I saw an unexpected blessing of me having a submissive heart recently...

DH's Dad offered to buy DS4 a specific gift last week.  My initial response was a rash, "What would we do that for?" To me, it seemed ridiculous to buy a 4 year old this present.  So, it came back up and DH and I were discussing the progress Grandpa had made in shopping for this said gift.  At that time I respectfully shared my concerns...though I hadn't thought through an articulate explanation, I rambled enough that he caught the idea that I thought this gift might be a little "too cool" for our four year old who already struggled with having to be the best and the fastest and similar pride issues.  I was concerned that this gift would perpetuate those feelings, but that he wasn't at the emotional maturity level that we could just take it away if those issues did indeed arise.  

The decision wasn't a matter of one choice was sin and the other wasn't.  It also wasn't an issue in my heart of me just wanting it to go according to what "I think" is appropriate and thus me being an over-protective controlling mom.  I had legitimate concerns, DH heard them and assessed.  At one point he said, "I understand where you're coming from, but I still think it's OK."  

On the one hand I wanted to put on my attorney's suit and defend my case, getting him also to not just understand my position, but to "feel" the same way I did.  But, looking back, my heart was at peace...I was willing to submit to him giving his dad permission to move forward with the purchase, even though I could foresee problems, which I would prefer to avoid.  In the end, he told his dad to hold off...not a "no", but a wait. 

Ephesians 5:21 - "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

I felt very loved and respected that though he thought it was an OK gift, he saw wisdom in the wait and was willing to articulate that to his dad.  And I am thankful that Grandpa was willing to "submit" to our decision as parents - he was open to our input from the beginning & respected it (even though maybe he thought it unnecessary precautions).

So, "submission" could have looked like me just letting them go ahead with the gift without saying anything.  But the consequences of that could have been me getting bitter if there were issues I foresaw or the issues arise and they become a big problem that could have been avoided if I had used wisdom in sharing what I saw as "God honoring wisdom" (not putting an unnecessary potential temptation in front of our young son).  

That was a good practical lesson for me - submission does not have to mean not saying anything, but it does mean if you do say something it must be with a quiet, gentle, and respectful spirit, willing to relinquish my desire should the decision sway against my preference.

"You have to let me take risks, Mom"

The four and a half year old voice echos the 36 year old voice, "You have to let him take risks," which echos the almost 50 year old neuro-psychologist's as his 14 year old son shows off his explosive chemistry projects.  "You have to let them take good risks [like parent supervised chemistry explosions] or they'll choose to take bad ones."

And all this after DS4 stands on the chair and jumps up and over the arm of the chair to the wooden floor below.

And his words ring back to me right after he's practicing balancing on a football and as I say, "Uh..." right before he steps up to balance on the empty foot talk oats cylinder and right as I shut my mouth and then say, "OK, go ahead."  And the cylinder buckles under him and he stumbles, but he doesn't fall and he's proud of his risk and his mama realizes that was a "good risk" - a risk with only the possibility of maybe a bruised shin and a bruised ego that leads to humility and better judgment?

And all this from cautious first born who still gets stiff in the swimming pool, his mama's second home.  This cautious first born who took the training wheels off at 51 months of age and 2 weeks later was ready for a motorcycle.  This cautious first born who is blooming into a risk-taker?

And his cautious first born mama?  Have I bloomed yet into a risk-taker?  Have I open-handedly, open-armedly, open-heartedly trusted the One in control?  Have I been a risk-taking Pray-er, a risk-taking Hoper, a risk-taking faith-filled Truster, Share-er? Have I taken the risk of breaking my alabaster jar of all I'm worth to express my love and gratitude for my Christ-bought forgiveness?  Or have I stayed in my comfortable box in which I have pseudo control...what has that gained me, really?  Hmmm...the freedom of risk-taking in God's control...what risks does God want me to take for His glory?  What will that be like?

Surrender Productivity Refreshed (and some Selahs, too!)

40 Days of Surrender - Day 100 - Surrender Productivity
Year of Selah - *Holiness, Godliness*

Ironically, today is 100 days after I committed to a 40 day fast of surrendering sinful habits in my life (arguing, depression, self-sufficiency, perfectionism, harsh tongue, etc, etc.)

Today, actually it was yesterday, (see other post for "Today's Lesson") the LORD opened a door for a refreshed surrender of productivity in my heart (and hopefully it will become a habit in my life!)  Productivity is an idol that I have had identified for a few years now.  And as the battle of the flesh and spirit works (my spirit is willing but my flesh is so weak - Mt. 26:41; cf. Gal. 5:16,17), I've taken two steps forward, one step back for a lot of those years.  And yesterday was a new chiseling in my heart and breaking away of a thought process that has been justifying my bending the knee to the temptation of productivity so many times.

You see, I learned in a (respectable) bible study back in 2002 that God calls us to "Rule, subdue, and produce".   I was in 2 Peter 3:11-13 yesterday when I was struck - "we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells".  And Peter exhorts his readers: "...what sort of people ought you to be in lives of holiness and godliness...."  Righteousness, holiness, godliness...this is so much the message of Peter in both his letters as well as an apparent goal THROUGHOUT SCRIPTURE!!!  Why then does my mind/heart so quickly seek to "rule (have the authority/have "The Say"), subdue (have control), and produce (be productive, accomplish)"!?!  Are we really called to that; how does holiness and godliness fit into the goals of ruling, subduing, and producing that often lead to my sinful expressions of pride, control, and "fulfillment" through "doing"?

This is what I was able to articulate yesterday:

Rule, Subdue, Produce --> God's instructional goals in Genesis 1 PRIOR TO THE FALL


Now living POST FALL, we need to FIGHT FOR that COMMUNION WITH GOD we automatically had with Him in The Garden, PRIOR to THE FALL.


It seems accurate to say "Rule, Subdue, Produce" is now trumped by (not having replaced, but is more of a priority): Submit (to God's Authority as our fleshly nature now strives for self-sufficiency), Surrender (Giving up the striving to be in control, the striving to be God (Eve's ultimate sin!)), Be Sanctified (Add to Faith, Virtue (2 Peter 1:5); Be holy (1 Peter 1:14-16); allow God to make you look more like Him (2 Cor. 3:18; Eph. 4:22-24).

So, thankfully, the LORD brought to mind a few times yesterday the goal of "holiness and godliness" over my current innate goal for productivity (especially during this time that I am overwhelmed by downsizing to prepare for my father-in-law to move in).  Not a perfect day, but I think a successful one - One in which God might say, "Well done, my faithful daughter.  I'm proud of you for remembering that your heart attitude and your tone with your children and husband and staying communed with Me and them is more important than getting irritated that the laundry is not put away in a week, the paperwork pile is still full, and the dust on the tops and the crumbs on the floor are painfully obvious."

And that is a faithfulness to my Year of Selah as well!  Pausing and reflecting on things above; not being swept away my the overwhelmingness of the things on earth.


Thank you, LORD Jesus, Thank YOU.


Conclusion of Part 1
See Here for Part 2

40 Days of Surrender - Day 29

Tuesday, November 8, 2011 - Surrender The Judge (A Lesson in Grace)

Justice.  I value it.  As I should, for God does.  BUT, "...Mercy triumphs over judgment."  (James 2:13)

I want my judgment to be from God's perspective - to determine justice as God determines justice.  HOWEVER, I think that in my striving for God's perspective, I'm trying to align it with what I see as God's "Ideal" portrayed in Scripture.  That is good, EXCEPT, I think I play the Judge in determining the justice of a situation and that's NOT MY role.  And as God is The Judge, HE looks at things through the lens of The Fallen World, whereas I am striving (in my judgement of justice vs. mercy) to make the world look like Eden.

The illustration that came to mind was a pair of glasses:  it's as if one lens is Justice and one lens is Mercy.  God looks through both and judges situations accordingly.

I tend to close one eye on the Mercy lens in order to uphold Justice to make the world look a little more like Eden.

BUT, we now live in the Fallen World and therefore God NEEDS to and does look at it more through the lens of Mercy.  I think if I wanted to see more with God's "Post Fall" perspective, I will need to close the other eye and look through His lens of Mercy more often.

To surrender me being the judge of justice, means I get to be more like Jesus and live as a Giver of Grace.


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.

40 Days of Surrender - Day 19

Friday, October 28, 2011 - I should have been armed YESTERDAY!

Yesterday has been the most trying day so far regarding things not going "my way".  From my almost four year old pooping his pants (for I think the second time ever since he was potty trained a year ago) to him scratching his eczema til it bled (both within 15 minutes of us needing to leave the house) to miscommunications, to fighting the temptation to "argue", to having trouble finding a babysitter, to getting a half hour phone call from a distraught new mom as I'm about to go to bed, all the way to leaning over to kiss my son good night as he decides to sit up and bops me in the mouth giving me a fat lip!  That was the straw that broke this camel's back as I was crying from the hurt and crying because I just couldn't handle one more thing not go "right!"

Interestingly enough Tuesday I thought "be prepared for a spiritual attack today, Jill" because Monday night we had had a Teen Mom over for dinner from the ministry we're involved in.  I expected the enemy to not be happy with our sharing Christ's love with her and so I was conscious to think that challenges on Tuesday might be the result of a spiritual attack.  However, I wasn't thinking about that on Thursday as my personal kingdom of toothpicks played dominoes (even though I had watched her son Wednesday morning when she went to court).

And the enemy sure does know how to "get me" -- it's in the "subtle agenda things".

So, this morning during journal processing time, God helped me get "re-armed" through Ephesians 6:10-18:


Belt of Truth --> secured knowing God is in control, desires good and sanctification, Christ is coming to make all things right.

Breastplate of Righteousness --> protected before God in righteousness of Christ -- my weaknesses, failures, and sins in these times are covered.

Shoes -->  I walk in peace because of the gospel in which I believe - though sinful and broken, God's grace reached down and rescued me and continues to deliver me.


Shield of Faith -->  My faith is in what is unseen - the powerful, trustworthy arm of God at work and not shaken by the fiery darts of the evil one


Helmet of Salvation --> Over all is the hope that one days Christ WILL come back and take me into His dwelling place where all things go "right" and as they "should be" all the time for all eternity!  (These are temporary struggles)


Sword of the Spirit -->  Fight back the enemy with God's word...hmmm...wish these had been on the forefront of my mind yesterday:
          I have been created in Christ Jesus to accomplish the good works God prepared in advance for me to do. (Ephesians 2:10) (Satan cannot thwart that.)
          Jesus invites me to come to Him weary and burdened to take his light and easy yoke (Matthew 11:28-10)
          Love is patient... (1 Cor. 13:4)  (I am not justified in getting impatient with my son for not staying in step with "My Agenda" when he hasn't done anything wrong!  So not worth tempting me there, Satan.  Thank you, God, for bringing that to my attention at the time so I wasn't ultimately consumed by "My Agenda" and experienced your grace by ASKING forgiveness of my son.


Pray in the Spirit --> Thank you, LORD, that I was conscious to do this, though maybe not very well.  I haven't thought of "prayer" as one of the specific weapons mentioned in the "Spiritual Armor" list, but rather as a "add on"..."and do this" sort of thing.  But as I read it this morning, it seemed like it could be a "type of sword"?  I wonder if the Greek grammar supports that type of reading?

Keep Alert --> Again, interesting because I would have been alert for this type of attack Tuesday.  And when you are expecting it, you can be better prepared.  So, of course, the Enemy chose the day I wasn't alert and had more of an agenda.


Perseverance -->  Keep enduring on this Fast For Surrender, Jill; even though you've hit a two week slump.  Thank you, LORD, for fanning the flame through Ephesians 6.


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.

40 Days of Surrender - Day 17

Wednesday, October 26, 2011 - Hesitancy, Talk with God

This isn't necessarily a "surrender" lesson, but it's what was on my heart this morning.  Yesterday, I posted about the Teen Parents ministry our family is getting involved in.  It's interesting I even use the term "is getting" because we committed to it at the beginning of the summer and have gone almost every week to serve in one form or another since then.  Even as the ministry and girls and guys and kids are heavy on my heart, I still feel a disconnect.  So, I asked God,

"Can you shed light on my hesitancy?"
"Is it from myself or from You?"

"Keep your eyes and heart open, stay in step with Me."


I have failed in the past by trying to be "The Rescuer" (trying to meet needs only Christ can) and have been burned by not having healthy boundaries in my own heart/mind/life.  I want to be a healthy influence in their lives and not be an enabler, nor be used, nor be burned out.  I want to walk in wisdom, but I'm hesitant because I don't know what I'm getting myself into, I feel ill-equipped, and I don't know how much ministering in this avenue is going to take from me - time, emotions, money and I don't know how much it should.  I don't have a grasp on the balance between boundaries and sacrifice.


"Keep your eyes and heart open, stay in step with Me."




For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.

40 Days of Surrender - Day 11

Thursday, October 20, 2011 - Conversation with God

Heavy.  Tears.

Guilt.  Speeding Ticket.  Pressure from Mom that we’re being too extreme in dealing with R.G.’s eczema.  Mom’s been taking care of the kids a lot, I’ve been gone.  Guilt.

But none of that was sin.

Heavy. Tears flowing.

Burdened.  Overwhelmed.  “Take my yoke upon you …my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest,” says Jesus.   “Let it go,” says Cindy (a friend who doesn’t even walk with the LORD!)

I can’t.  Why can’t I let go, LORD? 

I feel a responsibility to “deal with it.”  I brought it upon myself, so I must “deal with it.” 

I know you don’t think like that, God – You don’t hold me to that responsibility.  I just feel like I have to “figure it out.”

Figure what out? 

The “why” it happened, why I got overwhelmed?  “How” to fix it and “how” to avoid it in the future.

But you know you get overwhelmed, Jill, by filling your schedule with too much.

But I feel like if I dwell on it, I can understand it better.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Sigh…try to crack my neck – I’ve had this stubborn kink for days, I tried in vain to undo it myself, when’s the next time I can go to the chiropractor?  I want to put myself in the hands of him who is skilled to unkink me.  Hmmm…I want to put myself in the Hands of Him who is able to carry my burden, who delights to lighten my load. 

You can “Let Go” of the overwhelmedness,  Jill, if you can surrender your pride…surrender your need to understand all the details, surrender your drive to “be responsible” on your own strength for your own shortcomings…

Wow, God, I am not OK with You taking my shortcomings for me.  Isn’t that what you did on the cross with my sin!?!  Why then do I think that I’m burdening you too much to take my feeling of being overwhelmed and worn out!?!

Mercies anew every morning. (Lamentations 3)  It’s a new day, walk in it with Joy, Dear Daughter.  I want you to walk – light and joyful – that reflects Me.

Lord, I want to surrender this heaviness, this worn out, depressed, overwhelmedness.

I know I can trust You to take it, will I let you?

For Your glory, not just my comfort, For Your glory, LORD, for Your glory…

That’s it!  I feel like if I just let it go for my comfort, I’m cheating somehow, taking the easy, shortcut road…but if my motive is to walk in step with The Spirit, that frees me to let go for Him to be glorified through my surrender!

Sigh…



For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.

40 Days of Surrender - Day 4

Thursday, October 13, 2011 - Addiction

I was reading again in DeMoss's Brokenness book and a story caught my attention as the man described his addictions holding him back from brokenness.  I recognized that my current issue of surrender could be seen as an addiction.  I am addicted to thinking that my way is best more than I have a submissive heart that lives a life of surrender to the Way of the Sovereign Lord.

My natural pattern that I have gotten addicted to is to justify my thoughts and actions.  It is a natural, fleshly pattern, not "natural" as in "healthy" spiritual habit.

It's as ugly as the addiction of cigarette smoking -- cold turkey, Jill -- be done with it, don't flirt with the temptation by justifying sometimes.  You hang on to addiction because you feel some benefit.  The only benefit of your "Self-Will" demanding its way is that it feeds and comforts your bloated pride.  That's it - I haven't wanted to completely let go of justification & my Self-Will because it has been a protective covering of my pride.  When I see it for what it really is, its root and its why, it is easier to see the ugliness of the SIN (call it what it is and don't JUSTIFY it!) and its offensiveness to God Almighty!


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.

40 Days of Surrender - Day 2

Tuesday, October 11, 2011 - "God is Sovereign and this is not sinful"

When things don't go as I think they should, God is the One who is truly in control and sovereign over the details of what is happening.  If it is not direct sin (and more just things not going according to my preference), I need to accept graciously and not try to finagle "my way."


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.