Attack

So, I started seeing a counselor on Tuesday, May 22nd to help me sort through some key relationships I find myself in recurring conflict management with.

Wednesday, I had a spat with my husband.   Thursday the kids were squirrely, I was trying to get the house pulled together so we could leave to go swimming and I had to keep dealing with strife between them, I was wearing thin and then as they are squirrely & playing with the magnets on the fridge, DD2 crumples up the ultrasound picture.  I start crying, feeling quite out of control at that point.  We didn't end up going swimming, but two more things made me cry that morning.  That evening DH and I discussed the spat which left me in tears again right before entering in to Bible Study.  Friday, I lost it with my Father-in-law for the first time since he moved in 3 months ago and I was deeply broken by my behavior.  I just felt a mess and not myself, more like "old Jill."  Was it pregnancy hormones, feeling legitimately overwhelmed, spiritual warfare?  I called a friend to pray for me and it was ministering to me.

As I processed/journaled with the LORD Saturday morning it became evident that the events of the last three days were primarily spiritual warfare.

The enemy made the mistake (I believe God allowed Him to in order to enlighten me) of hissing the lie: "See, Jill, you'll never change.  You'll always be that emotional, over-reactor that you've always been.  Counseling won't do you any good."

And therein the Truth was exposed!  The truth is that usually I'm not like that anymore.  That means I HAVE changed.  God has worked and therefore I can have hope that He will continue to work!

The next week the enemy seemed to lay off and I didn't battle much emotional ruckus.

This past week Monday & Tuesday were tiring days with a workout where the fan wasn't reaching me, a DMV trip, almost passing out getting blood drawn (pregnant women should not fast prior blood being sucked from body), 1 hour car ride to/from doctor, and no naps either day.  None of that was especially emotional nor would I classify as spiritual warfare, but tiring nonetheless.  Wednesday, one of those cyclical marriage issues arose which had me torn & in tears - God is gracious as He lead through this, but this an attack on the emotions.  Thursday, at my OB appointment I find out that the issue that caused 1 month of discomfort in my last pregnancy will cause 6 months of discomfort this time around, increase my risk of blood clots, and I have to get out of the car to stretch every 2 hours.  We have 3 long car trips planned this summer.  The first being in 12 days - a biking/hiking trip I have had planned with 3 girlfriends since before I found out I was pregnant - this  was an emotional issue as I already feel like I'm the group's weak link and raised questions as to how this news would affect the trip.  For the next 28 hours this was heavy on my mind & heart before I talked to one of the gals who reassured me it was not going to be a drag on the group to tailor things around my "condition needs."  I really don't like being "that person" but may Christ work through this humility - when I am weak, He is strong (1 Cor. 12:12)!

Saturday, there is a church-related disagreement via email between us and a couple who are our dear friends and Bible Study group members.  DH is in the process of bringing this to resolution, but oh, so heavy on my heart & mind until it is.  Just what Satan wants to bring division among God's people - may it not be so!

So, again a tri-fold attack.  This time instead of three peoples in my home; it's once again marriage, but then also includes, my health, my friends and emotional issues therein, and unity of The Church!

Sunday, heart still heavy, but the Spirit ministered to my soul through:

This is my Father’s world, O let me ne’er forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father’s world, the battle is not done,

Jesus who died shall be satisfied, and earth and heav’n be one.

and

Jesus, Lover of My Soul, let me to thy bosom fly

While the nearer waters roll, while the tempest still is high

Hide me, O my Savior, hide, ‘til the storm is past

Safe into the haven guide, receive my soul at last

Other refuge have I none, hangs my helpless soul on Thee

Leave, ah! Leave me not alone, still support and comfort me!

This is my Father’s world, the battle is not done...I will stay in the fight knowing He's in control and try to remember to cling to Him as my refuge!

My next counseling session is Thursday, June 14th - may the LORD open my eyes and heart to see and discern the schemes of the enemy and grant me wisdom and strength to persevere as a soldier honoring her Commander...for healing to bring You Glory!

I should have known

It took four days to figure it out and yet I thought I was prepared to see it coming!

We had a guest preacher at church this morning, who happens to be a personal friend of ours.  He preached a dynamic message on Matthew 4:1-11.  Since the passage is about Jesus' temptation with Satan, it was one of those messages that really exposes the Devil for who and how he is...he doesn't like that one bit.

So, I let our friend know afterward that I would be praying against spiritual warfare for him this week.  His response, "Have you talked to my wife or are you just saying that?"  I was just saying it because the LORD had laid that on my heart, but apparently the enemy had been attacking at their house this past week in a preemptive attempt against his preaching on Matthew 4.

As I was explaining to him that I often feel under spiritual attack after I am involved in a Spirit-led proclamation of His Word...and in fact just Tuesday night I was telling DH, "Bible Study of Genesis 1 with the teen moms went really well tonight.  As excited as I am about that, I'm not looking forward to the potential spiritual warfare to follow tomorrow."  And that's when it dawned on me!

That melancholy mood, that depression I could seem to shake Thursday, Friday, Saturday...THAT was probably due to spiritual warfare.  The enemy knew I was expecting it on Wednesday, so he delayed and then zapped my energy, distracted my focus.  I couldn't figure it out, but today I am enlightened and maybe next time I can be a learner who learns and applies more quickly!

First lesson in Spiritual Warfare

... Continued from Blessing for Blessing.

So yesterday, (see link above) was a special day.  A day of obedience, a day of peace, a day of blessing.

This morning started off fine, I was getting ready in my room, the kids playing on the bed and it started - the whining...(see link above)

So I took this opportunity to teach DS4 his first official lesson in spiritual warfare.

Hey, Buddy!  Do you know who the snake in The Garden was?

uhhhh...shake of head...Satan?


That's right.  And what did Satan want Adam and Eve to do?

Eat the fruit.


Yes.  Was that obedient or disobedient?

Disobedient.


Right.  And is Satan on God's team or is he God's enemy?

God's enemy.

Right.  Now are you on God's team or God's enemy?

God's team!


So, do you think that Satan wants you to obey or disobey God?

Disobey.

That's right.  Did you have a really obedient day yesterday?


Yes.


And were you blessed for being a blessing?


Yes.


Do you think it made Satan happy that you obeyed God so well?


No.


So, Satan is probably going to really try to tempt you to disobey today.  So, you are going to have to fight against that temptation and really rely on Jesus to help you to obey.


OK, I'm going to fight him and knock his head off!  (LOL, we're still dealing with a four year old here!)

Blessing for Blessing - Little Learners

Thursday of this week (2/16/12), DS4 comes in pretty much first thing in the morning and declares, "I'm going to have a good heart attitude today and not get any discipline!"  I said that would be great and we prayed right then for Jesus to be His strength for self-control.  Within the hour he starts to whine (the main battle of the heart currently).  "Uh-Uh," I gently warn. "You told me you were going to have a good heart attitude today."

He stopped.

That was it.

All day long!

No whining, no arguing, no complaining (No WACing, for short:)).

I usually repeat it all day long.  And this day, not at all.

The draining training of motherhood... (which I do plan on being fruitful and am ever grateful for the resources who have aided me along the way - mainly "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and "Don't Make Me Count to Three")

"I need first time obedience.  I need you to obey all the way, right away, without complaint."  This is the chorus of the day that is sometimes followed by obedience and sometimes followed by discipline.  And I'm aware that maybe this chorus, instead of being a refrain repeated should be the understood tune of the music that plays peacefully in the background - understood and followed without the continual reminder.

So, when our family friend asks if he can accompany her to a college basketball game, I'm inclined to say, "Yes!"  DS4 is really into basketball right now and I knew he would be blessed by this fun excursion. We haven't done anything like this before, but I had a meeting and DH had a project he had to work on so neither us could accompany him.

God blesses us for obedience (Deut. 11:26-27, et al.) and God blesses us in order to be a blessing (Genesis 12).

I have been blessed, my son was a blessing today, I wanted to bless him in return.

He thoroughly enjoyed the basketball game.  He was enamored and when asked what his favorite part was (choosing among popcorn and his picture with the mascot and the funny blow up guy who "ate" the basketball player), his answer was, "Watching them play basketball."

Blessing for blessing for blessing.

Jesus to DS - giving him the strength for self-control; DS to me; me to DS.  Thank you, LORD Jesus for making it all possible!

New Insight (for me:)) into Spiritual Gifts & Serving

I really hope this doesn't sound "anti-serving" or anything of the sort.  This was a freeing lesson for me, so maybe you put your own gifts or callings in place of mine or maybe you had this figured out already...


One of the spiritual gifts that shows up when I take a "spiritual gifts test" is the gift of teaching.  I feel a sense of energy when I have the opportunity to use that gifting and receive affirmation when used also.  It is my understanding that those two aspects can be confirmation of gifting, so for the purpose of this post I will claim the spiritual gift of teaching (and no level of quality is pronounced in that claim:)).  In fact, last week I had an opportunity to teach on "Heart Needs" in which I used material from a recent post and I had to humbly cling to the  LORD as the enemy plagued me with doubt after my message - a good exercise in not looking for man's approval and trusting that God was still choosing to speak this message through me. (1 Cor. 2:4-6)


Anyway, the passages on Spiritual Gifts (Romans 12:3 ff, 1 Corinthians 12, Ephesians 4:7ff make it clear that some have the gift of teaching, some the gift of serving, etc.  And yet there is also a calling in scripture to all Christ's followers to serve as He did, right? 

"Have this mind among yourself, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who...taking the form of a servant..." (Philippians 2: 5-7)


"...But whoever would be great among you must be your servant..." (Matthew 20:26ff)


"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." (Galatians 5:13)


This message in scripture (then presented in the form of messages from the "pulpit" through my college ministry years and beyond) have left me with the belief that I should be serving in sacrificial ways as Christ did.  Which I think is true, but I also am realizing that what I have internalized is that "to serve" means to help the church with all those "hands on needs."  I have been so impressed with people that seem to serve the church tirelessly and realized that I carry a weight of guilt that I don't feel like I serve as much as I should.  I have looked at the women a stage or so ahead of me in life as an inspirational model to be like one day and given myself grace that I'm in a stage of life that demands a great deal of my time and energy with two young, highly dependent children.  But then I look at the women in my stage of life - specifically the two with one or two more young children than I have and both homeschool and yet still seem to on the front lines of serving the church.  I spent a weekend fighting the burden of comparison - such an ugly, godless activity.  And yes, I can know the truth that I am not to compare and try to dwell on that truth, but it was my reading of Acts 13:1-4 that brought this new insight and the sense of freedom...


Barnabus and Saul were set apart by the Holy Spirit for the work to which He had called them.  Also, I was reminded that in Acts 6 those disciples preaching the word appointed 7 men of good repute, full of the Spirit and of wisdom (honorable description, not lesser because not preachers) to serve the physical needs of people.  Yet, those who preached, preached as God opened doors for them and those who preached, served physical needs of people as God opened doors for them - yet they were called to spend a majority of their time and energy preaching and therefore God opened more doors for those opportunities He wanted them to be faithful with.  Priscilla and Aquila were a neat example to me of this in Acts 18.  They were tentmakers by professional (their vocational calling-where they spent a majority of their time & energy) who served Paul by opening their home to him (fulfilled the need of hospitality as God opened that door) and then taught Apollos The Way more accurately (as God opened that door). 


As I have been wrestling with my calling (of being a wife and mother) and my gifting (teaching) and my duty? to serve the church, my God Whispers had repeatedly been something like "be faithful with the little or big task I am asking of you in the here and now.  That is serving Me in faith.  I will open doors for you to serve Me - serve in the form of teaching, serving in the form of hospitality, serving by mercy, OR even an open door to serve Me with those 'hands on service opportunities' by setting up tables and chairs or helping with food for a church gathering."  


So, I am NOT at all saying only those with the "gift of serving" should serve the church, just as not only those with the "gift of hospitality" should be hospitable (Romans 12:13). I think what I'm learning is that the call to serve means to serve with the "grace given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift" (Eph. 4:7).  I may have that grace in a larger measure for teaching and the grace in a smaller measure for serving, hospitality, mercy, exhortation, etc.  


For me, who wants to be a good servant, is learning the blessing of saying, "No" and living within my God-given capacity, and who does like to be helpful, this lesson from the LORD was a refreshing one of freedom.  I am just asked to seek the LORD for what He wants me to do and be faithful to that and not follow some imagined, phantom "scripture perscribed" servant.  My being a faithful servant of the LORD (and specifically being faithful in serving the church) doesn't always have to be the front lines help I see my friends doing.  Maybe they are called to that and maybe they are in the process of learning the calling vs. the duty of serving? I have seen people burn themselves out by trying to do it all to a great measure - hospitality, serving, giving, teaching, exhorting, leading, shepherding.  And I have seen people hurt because they expect those in leadership to be doing these all to a great measure.  And I have seen people wear the burden of failure because they aren't all these things.


I am faithful if I take time and energy and obediently write a letter of encouragement that the Holy Spirit is prompting me to or take the time to really listen to and give someone biblical counsel or go out of my way to generously giving in order to meet a physical need.  I'm not being faithful to God's working in my heart if I'm comparing myself to people, nor shall others compare themselves to my opportunities "to teach" (public or private) or whatever other spiritual gift I may be living out in whatever measure of grace I have.  Am I responding to God's promptings with the measure of grace, time, and energy He is providing?  


"Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord." (Romans 12:11)
"Whatever you do work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord. (Colossians 3:23)
"to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ," (Ephesians 4:12)  To serve the church = to build up the church (body of Christ).


Serving the Lord means serving the Church and serving the Church better be done with a heart attitude of serving the Lord. And serving the Church sometimes means serving the hands on "kitchen duty" needs of the church, but serving the Church should always mean building up the Body of Christ.


What am I doing, what are you doing to serve the Church; what are we doing to build up the Church - each day, on a regular basis, according to each God prompting!?!  To be faithful to this IS being a faithful servant of God's spiritual gifts, all in His grace.

Beauty to Ashes

Friday evening…sweet, sweet evening with women at church.  Delicious food, even better conversation, with one woman in particular, and awesome missionary stories of the work of our magnificent God!

Sunday morning…attack from the enemy.  But, oh beauty from ashes, beauty from ashes!  The ashen grey of my heart – burned from husband hurt, burned from my heart’s wondering around the sanctuary and comparing to other women…women who serve the church, women who serve better than me; women my same age, with one or two more children than I have, who have even more responsibility than I do as their time demands the homeschooling of those children.  Song sung (Lead Me, by Sanctus Real); tears roll and a visit to the bathroom cleanses, especially when a deacon’s wife pursues me and listens and speaks words of mercy…beauty from ashes.   Later than evening more beauty from ashes …Husband shares that the song ministered to him as well.  A brokenness that leads to a break-through in our seven year marriage…beauty from ashes, beauty from ashes!

Monday morning…what does serving the church really look like in Scripture?  I fall into the temptation of comparing myself to other women who are serving the church when in actuality – rather in faith – I should look to Scripture as my model and the LORD as my Guide. 

Even when we read Scripture we could easily get a warped perspective because at first read it appears that the followers of Christ are always preaching, teaching, and performing signs and wonders in His name.  But chronologically (as I was reading through Acts), all this ministry was done by several different disciples over an extended period of time.  And fittingly, God had recorded in His scriptures mainly His works.  We don’t get a lot of other details about what the lives of the followers of Jesus entailed.  Simple realization, but realizing that gave me a freedom that my ministry did not have to be a continual overt word and deed proclaiming the glory of God.  A confirmation that my day in and day out words and deeds ARE my ministry, not just the overt “God talks” and “God works”.  There is no recording of each disciple having a continual act of serving the Church, thus scripture does not call me to have a continual hands on service to the church.  Some are called to more service and some are called to more teaching and some don’t have either call, so why do I compare myself to something the LORD is not calling me to?  I am not called to “be like her;” I am called to “be like Him”...be like Him in character and do as God Guides me to do, not as God (may or may not have) guided her to do.

Morethoughts regarding this/Spiritual Gifts of the Body HERE

Surrender Productivity, Refreshed!

Surrender Productivity, Refreshed!

See Here for Part 1

As I noted in part one I have "surrendered productivity" in the past (more than once).  Yesterday and today the LORD gave me a refreshed perspective.  Part 1 explains mainly yesterday's insight.  Today I started by wondering what Peter intended the difference to be between Holiness and Godliness.

I didn't do much cross referencing, but what I've landed on temporarily is that the context in 2 Peter 3 is that God is patient that none should perish, but all should come to repentance (a position of holiness before God) and that our conduct should be holy (godliness before others!?!)  He exhorts his readers to "be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure..." (2 Pet. 1:10, our relationship with God, internal assurance) and that if the qualities of godliness are yours and are increasing they will keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Pet. 1:3-8, our relationship with God displayed to others).  So, with that calling a little more settled, I am brought back to our calling in Genesis 1 to rule, subdue, and produce...

That's a catchy little phrase, but what exactly is The Calling of Genesis 1!?!

Found in Genesis 1:28, the ESV reads:

"And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

First of all, I notice that "God blessed them."  This calling is a blessing; I should not feel burdened, burdened by producing.  I see the word "subdue"; OK, we are called to subdue.  "Have dominion" - that is probably where the "rule" word comes from.  Now, how about that "produce" word; the one that seems to especially trip me up?  I don't see it.  I do see "be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth".  Fruitful, multiply, and fill - those are words of producing.  BUT, what is their context?  God made people in His image...MAKE more PEOPLE (be fruitful, multiply) to FILL the earth with MORE of MY IMAGE.  Be used BY ME to PRODUCE more OF ME in this world!  PRODUCE GODLINESS!!!!!  NOT produce cleaner homes, smaller paperwork piles, and less laundry, clutter, fill in the blank!!!!  My heart and mind have been confused.  Once again, the crafty serpent has deceived a woman by twisting the words of God! 

To her credit, I know that author of the bible study that gave me the catchy phrase that enemy has used to corrupt my thinking would be sad to know that.  I believe she desires to correctly handle the word of truth.  The way I learned it does not mean she taught it out of that context.  I also know that in her bible study sought to be sensitive to women who were not married or could not have children and therefore could not "be fruitful and multiply" as was intended by God in that context.  I do agree with her that you are still able to multiply God's image and fill the earth with it through women you disciple and through how you live and encourage others to live a life of holiness (purity before God) and godliness (purity before others - bearing HIS IMAGE!)  So, I think it can be a BOTH/AND.

I also want to put a disclaimer that I don't think that means we should let our homes go to chaos.  God is a God of order and I believe it honors Him and our families when we are making progress toward order.  Because of The Fall our "order" is always going to be unraveling (as the Order of Creation has been unraveling since The Fall).  I believe it is part of faithful homemaking to fight for the order that the chaos pushes to hinder; I am just expressing that I am thankful that I feel a little more released from that idol that threatens to consume me.  

May I live out the freedom of our calling to holiness and godliness!!!

The Year of Selah - *Joy*

I haven't been pausing much in the last few days.  I haven't been reflecting throughout the day very much these last few days.  Busy. Busy. Busy.  Getting the house ready for the workman to come to get the house ready for Father-In-Law moving in.

But, oh, is my heart the House of God?  What about that dwelling place?  Am I preparing it with the decorating He desires - Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control, Humility, Compassion, Grace, Gratitude...Lots of decorating to be done there.

And there's that JOY again.  The LORD keeps bringing me back there.  I keep going to the LORD - I want it, LORD, and oh, it eludes me so.

It won't come naturally; the enemy has caused his damage; I have to fight for it...build a new habit and then that new habit will become the habit...building the habit of joy!


Really, God, can it really happen like that; can it happen to me in this heart that seems to have this bend toward disappointment?


Ann Voskamp talks of this habit replacing habit and challenges us to join her in The Joy Dare - Counting 1,000 gifts in 2012.

She gives us 3 a day to count, but I want to count my own personal gifts God is bestowing in my life.  How about 2012 gifts in 2012!?!?  I up to 61 on day 8 of the month.  May these expressions of thankfulness not just be lip service, not just an intellectual acknowledgment of something sweet that happened...may my heart experience them as gifts from the loving hands of God and may my heart respond in genuine joy!

40 Days of Surrender - Day 19

Friday, October 28, 2011 - I should have been armed YESTERDAY!

Yesterday has been the most trying day so far regarding things not going "my way".  From my almost four year old pooping his pants (for I think the second time ever since he was potty trained a year ago) to him scratching his eczema til it bled (both within 15 minutes of us needing to leave the house) to miscommunications, to fighting the temptation to "argue", to having trouble finding a babysitter, to getting a half hour phone call from a distraught new mom as I'm about to go to bed, all the way to leaning over to kiss my son good night as he decides to sit up and bops me in the mouth giving me a fat lip!  That was the straw that broke this camel's back as I was crying from the hurt and crying because I just couldn't handle one more thing not go "right!"

Interestingly enough Tuesday I thought "be prepared for a spiritual attack today, Jill" because Monday night we had had a Teen Mom over for dinner from the ministry we're involved in.  I expected the enemy to not be happy with our sharing Christ's love with her and so I was conscious to think that challenges on Tuesday might be the result of a spiritual attack.  However, I wasn't thinking about that on Thursday as my personal kingdom of toothpicks played dominoes (even though I had watched her son Wednesday morning when she went to court).

And the enemy sure does know how to "get me" -- it's in the "subtle agenda things".

So, this morning during journal processing time, God helped me get "re-armed" through Ephesians 6:10-18:


Belt of Truth --> secured knowing God is in control, desires good and sanctification, Christ is coming to make all things right.

Breastplate of Righteousness --> protected before God in righteousness of Christ -- my weaknesses, failures, and sins in these times are covered.

Shoes -->  I walk in peace because of the gospel in which I believe - though sinful and broken, God's grace reached down and rescued me and continues to deliver me.


Shield of Faith -->  My faith is in what is unseen - the powerful, trustworthy arm of God at work and not shaken by the fiery darts of the evil one


Helmet of Salvation --> Over all is the hope that one days Christ WILL come back and take me into His dwelling place where all things go "right" and as they "should be" all the time for all eternity!  (These are temporary struggles)


Sword of the Spirit -->  Fight back the enemy with God's word...hmmm...wish these had been on the forefront of my mind yesterday:
          I have been created in Christ Jesus to accomplish the good works God prepared in advance for me to do. (Ephesians 2:10) (Satan cannot thwart that.)
          Jesus invites me to come to Him weary and burdened to take his light and easy yoke (Matthew 11:28-10)
          Love is patient... (1 Cor. 13:4)  (I am not justified in getting impatient with my son for not staying in step with "My Agenda" when he hasn't done anything wrong!  So not worth tempting me there, Satan.  Thank you, God, for bringing that to my attention at the time so I wasn't ultimately consumed by "My Agenda" and experienced your grace by ASKING forgiveness of my son.


Pray in the Spirit --> Thank you, LORD, that I was conscious to do this, though maybe not very well.  I haven't thought of "prayer" as one of the specific weapons mentioned in the "Spiritual Armor" list, but rather as a "add on"..."and do this" sort of thing.  But as I read it this morning, it seemed like it could be a "type of sword"?  I wonder if the Greek grammar supports that type of reading?

Keep Alert --> Again, interesting because I would have been alert for this type of attack Tuesday.  And when you are expecting it, you can be better prepared.  So, of course, the Enemy chose the day I wasn't alert and had more of an agenda.


Perseverance -->  Keep enduring on this Fast For Surrender, Jill; even though you've hit a two week slump.  Thank you, LORD, for fanning the flame through Ephesians 6.


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.

What He's already given me...

I was at a frozen yogurt shop last night.  I noticed a woman who was the mom of a little girl I taught swim lessons to.  She's a runner.  She's cute and trendy.  She was sitting with 4 other 30 something ladies, presumably friends, all "attractive and modern"...and it sparked in me this DESIRE.  This aching desire that keeps appearing and causing me to long for sweet times of unhindered fun with friends.  I don't believe there is anything wrong with this desire.  The only problem with that feeling was that I WAS WALKING OUT WITH THREE OTHER 30 SOMETHING LADIES WHOM I HAD JUST HAD A LOVELY TIME OF SWEET TRUE FELLOWSHIP WITH!!!  I WAS WANTING SOMETHING THE LORD HAD JUST GIVEN ME!!!  Ugh!  How the enemy can so easily deceive our weak hearts!  How he can stir in me this discontentment SO QUICKLY.  Why and how does this happen?  THANK YOU, LORD, that You enabled me to recognize the falsehood just as quickly and to process it in a way to uproot the ugliness and plant in Your nurturing Truth!


I remember a friend of mine in college talking with me about the "phantom woman."  The one who has it all and does it all and is so godly...the one who DOESN'T EXIST but we strive to be!  I think the picture of "suave popularity" is a phantom in my life.  But where does THAT come from and why is it there?  Is it really still lingering from my desire as a 12 year old for popularity?  What is popularity?  To know and be known?  For attention, affection, approval?  But with "popularity" usually comes a compromise of character, purity...of godliness.  I certainly don't want THAT!  Maybe before I knew Christ at age 15 (knowing who He is, not just what He's done), but now I am confident that compared to knowing Christ (and living in His righteousness) all other things are rubbish (Philippians 3).  Or do I?  I know it in my head, I even believe it in my heart...so why am I so easily persuaded to think the lie of the enemy?   


"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." (Colossians 3:2)  


Does discontentment come because our minds are set on earthly things?  If my heart was soaring with gratitude for time of fellowship with friends (which would have been a genuine feeling!), would there even have been room for the discontentment to sneak in?  Is discontentment birthed because we believe the grass is greener on the other side; we believe God is withholding good from us?  (Psalm 84:11)


LORD, Please, Let me learn: To be thankful, content (a contentment of feeling fulfilled!)
                                        To set my mind on things above
                                        To rest in Your Goodness
                                        To recognize what You DO GIVE ME and Delight in it!

Not flesh and blood...

"For we do not battle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."  ~Ephesians 6:12

Spiritual Warfare

I am not pentecostal.  I do believe in spiritual warfare.  Because the bible says it's real and because I experience it.  Not in overt ways; in the subtleties of that crafty, cunning, deceitful Satan.  The one who steals, kills, and destroys.  The one who would strive to steal the joy that I've been so intently seeking to live out.  The one who hopes to kill God's Word being proclaim by whispering "who is really going to care about the things you say in a silly blog?"  The one who would attempt to destroy a marriage by tempting me to believe that frustration with my husband means he's the enemy I'm battling against.   This is the subtle scheme of Satan since Sunday, when I chose to respond to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and proclaim, "Lord, Let Me Learn!"  And I can choose to undiscerningly listen and be emotionally swayed or I can take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5) and choose to believe the living active word of God (Heb. 4:12; 1 Pet. 1:23).  No, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) (Parenthesis and italics mine).  And the lies of darkness are exposed by the light of Truth.  I'm not often aware of the invisible reality of spiritual warfare around me.  But today, even in the subtleties, thank you, LORD, for shining Your light. Thank You for allowing me to see the schemes of Satan and replace emotion with reality.  Satan throws circumstances at us in the effort to steal, kill, and destroy: You allow them, loving Father, to purify the genuineness of our faith.