Submission-An Unexpected Reversal

"Submission" - that word that seems synonymous with "doormat" in many minds.

Although it conflicts with the sinful aspect of independence that I inherited from Mother Eve, I have come to believe that what God explains in Ephesians 5:17-33 is truly that way that God designed His world to work best.  But, unfortunately, we live in a broken world that often doesn't look like that model and thus the conclusion has become that "submission" is the problem.  I would argue that it isn't God's way that it is the problem, but those not following God's way that cause the model not to work properly.

As an opinionated, independent woman the quiet and gentle spirit of the godly submissive woman in 1 Peter has been a struggle for me.  However, I saw an unexpected blessing of me having a submissive heart recently...

DH's Dad offered to buy DS4 a specific gift last week.  My initial response was a rash, "What would we do that for?" To me, it seemed ridiculous to buy a 4 year old this present.  So, it came back up and DH and I were discussing the progress Grandpa had made in shopping for this said gift.  At that time I respectfully shared my concerns...though I hadn't thought through an articulate explanation, I rambled enough that he caught the idea that I thought this gift might be a little "too cool" for our four year old who already struggled with having to be the best and the fastest and similar pride issues.  I was concerned that this gift would perpetuate those feelings, but that he wasn't at the emotional maturity level that we could just take it away if those issues did indeed arise.  

The decision wasn't a matter of one choice was sin and the other wasn't.  It also wasn't an issue in my heart of me just wanting it to go according to what "I think" is appropriate and thus me being an over-protective controlling mom.  I had legitimate concerns, DH heard them and assessed.  At one point he said, "I understand where you're coming from, but I still think it's OK."  

On the one hand I wanted to put on my attorney's suit and defend my case, getting him also to not just understand my position, but to "feel" the same way I did.  But, looking back, my heart was at peace...I was willing to submit to him giving his dad permission to move forward with the purchase, even though I could foresee problems, which I would prefer to avoid.  In the end, he told his dad to hold off...not a "no", but a wait. 

Ephesians 5:21 - "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

I felt very loved and respected that though he thought it was an OK gift, he saw wisdom in the wait and was willing to articulate that to his dad.  And I am thankful that Grandpa was willing to "submit" to our decision as parents - he was open to our input from the beginning & respected it (even though maybe he thought it unnecessary precautions).

So, "submission" could have looked like me just letting them go ahead with the gift without saying anything.  But the consequences of that could have been me getting bitter if there were issues I foresaw or the issues arise and they become a big problem that could have been avoided if I had used wisdom in sharing what I saw as "God honoring wisdom" (not putting an unnecessary potential temptation in front of our young son).  

That was a good practical lesson for me - submission does not have to mean not saying anything, but it does mean if you do say something it must be with a quiet, gentle, and respectful spirit, willing to relinquish my desire should the decision sway against my preference.

40 Days of Surrender - Day 24

Thursday, November 3, 2011 - Even the Customer Service Lady

I called our insurance company yesterday and customer service representative, Melissa (name changed to protect the "innocent":)) answered in her "end of the day at the end of the week, not liking my job very much" voice.  I do try not be the person to make the customer service person's day unpleasant, so I started the conversation off quite friendly (even though I already feel like I've gotten a bit of a runaround from them):

J: Hi, I'm following up on a claim that was mail at the end of last week.

M: Well, where did it get mailed to?

J: Investigations department in Kentucky.

M:  Well, I don't have record of it in the system yet.  It could take 7 - 10 business days for us to get it in the mail.

J: I don't think it would take that long to get it in the mail.


M: If it was mailed in it went to a central location then got scanned in, then sent to the investigations department [which is interesting b/c I thought that's why I was given the investigations department address specifically to expedite the process, but that's fine], so it may take 7 - 10 business days to process and get into our system.  [It had only been 5 - I wasn't expecting it to be processed yet, but I wanted to follow up and make sure it was received, but I understand they might not be able to track that if it hadn't gotten scanned into the system yet].

J:  OK, I understand it might take 7 - 10 business days to process, I was thinking you were saying it would take that long just for you guys to receive it in the mail.

M: Oh, well it could, I have people send me things and I say, "Oh, I didn't get that" and sometimes it can take a month.

J [In a sarcastically friendly, a.k.a. snotty tone]: Ma'am.  You don't need to go defending your insurance company.  I know that happens under rare circumstances, but usually it takes 2-3 days to receive mail these days.

M: I'm just saying it could take 7 - 10 business days to process.

J: Alright then, I'll check back in 7 - 10 business days.  Thank you.

GUILTY CONSCIENCE...Can't keep sweeping the wood floor without being pierced with guilt.  Even though I didn't yell at the customer service lady, my sarcastic snotty tone was just as disrespectful.  It was rude, unnecessary, and unbeneficial to argue with her about the postal service delivery timing.  It was unbeneficial arguing...I need to not justify my sin...and I need to confess...and ask forgiveness...All these lessons of surrender rolled together with the Customer Service Lady!!!  (whom I will most likely never speak to again, but whom I still sinned against:( )

Stop what you're doing, Jill, and reconcile.


But, God, can I just finish sweeping this area?


That's saying what you want to do is more important that making things right with Melissa, who bears my image (James 3:9, 10 ) and you wronged with your words.

Sigh...stop in the middle of something (which is hard for me!)...dial, ring, push prompts, and I get disconnected! [Do they have caller ID!?!]...sweep a little more...call again...

J: May I please be connected to Melissa.
S: Sure, If she isn't available would you like her voicemail or be directed back to me?
J: Voicemail, please.
M's voicemail...
J: Melissa, this is Jill.  We just spoke about the claim I mailed in and I wanted to call back and apologize.  I really do try not to be the one to add to the misery of a customer service person's day and I realize that even though I didn't yell at you my sarcastic tone was just as disrespectful.  It was rude, unnecessary, and unbeneficial for me to argue with you about the postal system's delivery time.  I just wanted to call back and apologize and hope you have more of a blessing sort of day.  Thanks.

Phew...that was humbling.  But I hope that the humility itself demonstrated Christ and His power in His people's lives to confess sin and seek reconciliation!  Our God is a God of reconciliation!  On the one hand I'm glad I got Melissa's voicemail because it was easier to just rattle off my apology.  On the other hand I'm very curious what her response is.  Maybe God will show me in Heaven one day...for now I get to walk in the blessing of obedience - no matter how awkward or how much or little I "feel" the blessing!


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.

40 Days of Surrender - Day 20

Saturday, October 29, 2011 - Forgiveness

I had two chances yesterday to humble myself and ask for forgiveness.  Both to people close to me, both people I can tend to speak sharply to.  And that AGAIN was my sin in which I was needing to ask forgiveness for again.  In both instances 21 days ago I would justified the sin of my harsh words in my mind and then not addressed it with the person and keep going as if I hadn't just spoken degradingly to a human being who is bearing the very image of My Creator God. (James 3:7-12)

But The Fast held me accountable, I surrendered my temptation to justify my sin, humbled my pride of "being right" and sought reconciliation in the relational withdrawal through asking forgiveness.  And the one instance was a special challenge because I "corrected" a friend in front of my son, so I had to make sure I asked forgiveness in front of my son also.  Hard, but freeing and peaceful.


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.

40 Days of Surrender - Day 3

Wednesday, October 12, 2011 - I WILL sin, confess quickly, don't justify

Ugh!  It's only Day 3 and already I slipped up (a.k.a. SINNED) and had a disrespectful tone because DH didn't use the wash cloth I thought he should to clean up DS's pee pee accident.

As a recovering perfectionist, it urks me that I "failed".  Oh, I want to be so committed and disciplined.  But, ah, the revelation - I WILL NOT be perfect in this process of sanctification, in this process of being healed from the disease of "Self-Will," I WILL SIN.  The response to that sin demonstrates my growth.  Will I revert back to my habit of justifying my attitude and words or will I be quick to confess the sin without attempting to justify it?

Upon this Spirit prompting, I told my DH that I was sorry for over-reacting about the wash cloth and he was quick to say, "I forgive you, thanks for acknowledging that."  (i.e. he's not used to me acknowledging my disrespect in "little" things like that).  THAT's victory - one "little" battle won in this war waging against my soul.


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.