I haven't been pausing much in the last few days. I haven't been reflecting throughout the day very much these last few days. Busy. Busy. Busy. Getting the house ready for the workman to come to get the house ready for Father-In-Law moving in.
But, oh, is my heart the House of God? What about that dwelling place? Am I preparing it with the decorating He desires - Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control, Humility, Compassion, Grace, Gratitude...Lots of decorating to be done there.
And there's that JOY again. The LORD keeps bringing me back there. I keep going to the LORD - I want it, LORD, and oh, it eludes me so.
It won't come naturally; the enemy has caused his damage; I have to fight for it...build a new habit and then that new habit will become the habit...building the habit of joy!
Really, God, can it really happen like that; can it happen to me in this heart that seems to have this bend toward disappointment?
Ann Voskamp talks of this habit replacing habit and challenges us to join her in The Joy Dare - Counting 1,000 gifts in 2012.
She gives us 3 a day to count, but I want to count my own personal gifts God is bestowing in my life. How about 2012 gifts in 2012!?!? I up to 61 on day 8 of the month. May these expressions of thankfulness not just be lip service, not just an intellectual acknowledgment of something sweet that happened...may my heart experience them as gifts from the loving hands of God and may my heart respond in genuine joy!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
The Year of Selah - *Gratitude*
It was a full morning as DS turned 4! French Toast, new watch, train track set up, get ready to go to the Children's Museum, play in the farm, in the pizza parlor, in the doctor's office, in the tunnels...and then to lunch next door at Noodles and Company. It was after noon before I had my first Selah of the day - hmmm - how I'd like to grow in this habit so it happens more often than THAT...but thankful it happened nonetheless.
As I sat there at a slowed paced with a kid on each side, I was overwhelmed by GRATITUDE - I could afford the $16 for us to eat lunch in a restaurant where I didn't have to prepare the food or clean up afterward and could sit and enjoy my kids! It was the Gift of Selah and the Gift of Gratitude in one! And as I write this I realize the Gift of Joy is still elusive; I think because of the weight of all I have to get done before Father-In-Law moves in.
Hmmm...is it always the weight, the feeling of being overwhelmed that threatens to and downright does steal my joy? And that's what it is - it is a feeling - as DH gently reminded me the other day..."Don't let the "Feeling Caboose" drive the train." Why do I carry around such weights; do I really get overwhelmed regularly?
As I sat there at a slowed paced with a kid on each side, I was overwhelmed by GRATITUDE - I could afford the $16 for us to eat lunch in a restaurant where I didn't have to prepare the food or clean up afterward and could sit and enjoy my kids! It was the Gift of Selah and the Gift of Gratitude in one! And as I write this I realize the Gift of Joy is still elusive; I think because of the weight of all I have to get done before Father-In-Law moves in.
Hmmm...is it always the weight, the feeling of being overwhelmed that threatens to and downright does steal my joy? And that's what it is - it is a feeling - as DH gently reminded me the other day..."Don't let the "Feeling Caboose" drive the train." Why do I carry around such weights; do I really get overwhelmed regularly?
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Jesus speaking in Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)
Yes, Rest, Pause, Selah...my soul cries out...LORD, please, Let Me Learn what this means!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The Year of Selah
Two years ago (2010), I sat in North Carolina at the turn of the year and prayed for my two themes of the year: Peace and Joy.
Two year later, the prayer and pursuing of Peace has been answered and that is a state of heart I experience regularly.
2011, "Joy" or rather the desire for, was a theme and it feels like it's still something that eludes me. In God's faithfulness He has taught me and brought that theme up often in the learning process. Ann Voskamp's website www.aholyexperience.com and her emphasis on giving thanks in order to live in the presence of joy has been something I've been trying to grow in. Another author I had read previously in the year also hit on this truth that I have been implementing...I would say it's in the seedling stages.
Upon reading Ann Voskamp's site I have also learned that for the last handful of years, she has named her years. That's kind of what I have been doing the last two years, but I thought I might formalize this year...The year of ...
The Year of Joy seemed to make sense. But as I was making the bed, a phrase came to me and it's stuck...
The Year of Selah...
Selah is a Hebrew word, often found in Psalms. The closest meaning they can ascribe to it is "Pause, Reflect." I think this correlates well will some of Ann's other premises that have resonated with me; her emphasis on living in the moment, to be "here" in order to live life fully, to not rush through life, but be with the Giver of Life (& Joy).
Two year later, the prayer and pursuing of Peace has been answered and that is a state of heart I experience regularly.
2011, "Joy" or rather the desire for, was a theme and it feels like it's still something that eludes me. In God's faithfulness He has taught me and brought that theme up often in the learning process. Ann Voskamp's website www.aholyexperience.com and her emphasis on giving thanks in order to live in the presence of joy has been something I've been trying to grow in. Another author I had read previously in the year also hit on this truth that I have been implementing...I would say it's in the seedling stages.
Upon reading Ann Voskamp's site I have also learned that for the last handful of years, she has named her years. That's kind of what I have been doing the last two years, but I thought I might formalize this year...The year of ...
The Year of Joy seemed to make sense. But as I was making the bed, a phrase came to me and it's stuck...
The Year of Selah...
Selah is a Hebrew word, often found in Psalms. The closest meaning they can ascribe to it is "Pause, Reflect." I think this correlates well will some of Ann's other premises that have resonated with me; her emphasis on living in the moment, to be "here" in order to live life fully, to not rush through life, but be with the Giver of Life (& Joy).
"For you make him most blessed forever; you
make him glad with the joy of your presence.” (Psalms 21:6)
If I begin the practice...to develop the habit...especially in those times where I am frustrated, rushed, impatient, irritable...Selah - Pause, Reflect - Am I in the presence of The Almighty? Do I have my mind set on things above, not on earthly things? (Colossians 3:2) Am I allowing the joy of the LORD to be my strength (Nehemiah 8:10), or I am striving to be self-sufficient?...maybe, just maybe, this pausing and reflecting will keep me from getting distracted from The Giver of Joy for so long...maybe, just maybe experiencing Joy will be a regular habit that overflows from me to share the Gift of Joy with others more freely!
May The Year of Selah bring the Gift of Pause, Reflect, Experiencing Joy!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The Year of Selah - *Faithful*
* You don't ask me to do big things...you just ask me to be faithful.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Resonating...
I read three things this afternoon during my Sabbath Rest and those three things READ ME:
1) Gary Thomas' "Sacred Parenting" - Sacrifice: How Raising Children Teaches Us to Sacrifice - pgs. 178-188
~ "While we find it easy to "open up" a spiritual gift, it's not so easy to lay one down on God's behalf."
~ "Christianity was birthed in sacrifice and calls us to many acts of sacrifice."..."On the back of Christ's sacrifice"
~ "How do kids get nurtured with the active love, available counsel, and prayerful presence they so desperately need? On the backs of their mothers' sacrifices, that's how."
~ "Sometimes responsibility, loyalty, and maturity call us to willingly lay down our dreams for the sake of those we love - and in the hope that hose who come after us can accomplish even more than we could."
~ "However 'important' we may think we are, we should expect that God can do even more important things through our children. It is our duty to give them our full attention and our best effort, hoping that they can build on this to become influential Christians themselves..." (not becoming so busy with their "own ministries")
~ Matthew 14
A Post To Come to explain how reading this chapter read me...
2) John Eldredge's "Walking with God" - 'Learning How to Listen', 'Whole and Holy', 'Making Room for Joy' - pgs. 25 - 41
~ Since being introduced to "God Guides", I have entered the adventure of *Listening to God*. Not as immediately, regularly, or well as I would like, but a desire fulfilled more in the last year than ever before...and I call that Spiritual Growth. To read Eldredge's explanation of how he "Learned to Listen" resonates with me. I am encouraged to know I am not alone in Learning to be a Listener and that he's teaching others too!
~ Whole and Holy - Holiness is a calling I am so conscious to strive for and again I sometimes feel alone is my intensity of that striving. Wholeness/healing is also a drumbeat in my heart (connected to "Post To Come" above). And Eldredge articulates it in a way that I say, "YES!" "You can't find the holiness you want without deep wholeness. And you can't find the wholeness you want without deep holiness." Holiness of Christ --> Healing --> Wholeness --> Holiness
~ Eldredge heard from God on "Making Room for Joy" and this brought tears to my eyes - again, I am not alone in my struggle to experience the Christian Joy... that Joy that is just supposed to overflow from me because I Know Christ!?!?
3) Ann Voskamp's website "A Holy Experience"
One post on how she feels like she's "just not getting it all right". Again, brought tears to my eyes...this is a woman I do not know personally, but I have been ministered to deeply through her website writings. I admire her walk with God, being a decade or so down the road from me. I want to learn from her, because what she writes about resonates with what I want to grow in. And then to read that she feels inadequate "just like me." I am not alone - in my striving for holiness and God's sweet reminders to rely humbly on Him! In Ann Voskamp's own words, "Praise not Perfection; Grace not Grindstone." And what perfect timing as I am flailing in getting life back to "normal" after three weeks of upheaval due to my mother-in-law's illness and death, return home from a funeral, and decide on, buy, wrap, and mail Christmas presents! And then to read her next post...and cry more...this too is my heart's cry for a radical Christmas.
40 Days of Surrender - Day 61 - Surrender "Getting it all right" NOW - For a list of the "Daily Lesson" titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
1) Gary Thomas' "Sacred Parenting" - Sacrifice: How Raising Children Teaches Us to Sacrifice - pgs. 178-188
~ "While we find it easy to "open up" a spiritual gift, it's not so easy to lay one down on God's behalf."
~ "Christianity was birthed in sacrifice and calls us to many acts of sacrifice."..."On the back of Christ's sacrifice"
~ "How do kids get nurtured with the active love, available counsel, and prayerful presence they so desperately need? On the backs of their mothers' sacrifices, that's how."
~ "Sometimes responsibility, loyalty, and maturity call us to willingly lay down our dreams for the sake of those we love - and in the hope that hose who come after us can accomplish even more than we could."
~ "However 'important' we may think we are, we should expect that God can do even more important things through our children. It is our duty to give them our full attention and our best effort, hoping that they can build on this to become influential Christians themselves..." (not becoming so busy with their "own ministries")
~ Matthew 14
A Post To Come to explain how reading this chapter read me...
2) John Eldredge's "Walking with God" - 'Learning How to Listen', 'Whole and Holy', 'Making Room for Joy' - pgs. 25 - 41
~ Since being introduced to "God Guides", I have entered the adventure of *Listening to God*. Not as immediately, regularly, or well as I would like, but a desire fulfilled more in the last year than ever before...and I call that Spiritual Growth. To read Eldredge's explanation of how he "Learned to Listen" resonates with me. I am encouraged to know I am not alone in Learning to be a Listener and that he's teaching others too!
~ Whole and Holy - Holiness is a calling I am so conscious to strive for and again I sometimes feel alone is my intensity of that striving. Wholeness/healing is also a drumbeat in my heart (connected to "Post To Come" above). And Eldredge articulates it in a way that I say, "YES!" "You can't find the holiness you want without deep wholeness. And you can't find the wholeness you want without deep holiness." Holiness of Christ --> Healing --> Wholeness --> Holiness
~ Eldredge heard from God on "Making Room for Joy" and this brought tears to my eyes - again, I am not alone in my struggle to experience the Christian Joy... that Joy that is just supposed to overflow from me because I Know Christ!?!?
3) Ann Voskamp's website "A Holy Experience"
One post on how she feels like she's "just not getting it all right". Again, brought tears to my eyes...this is a woman I do not know personally, but I have been ministered to deeply through her website writings. I admire her walk with God, being a decade or so down the road from me. I want to learn from her, because what she writes about resonates with what I want to grow in. And then to read that she feels inadequate "just like me." I am not alone - in my striving for holiness and God's sweet reminders to rely humbly on Him! In Ann Voskamp's own words, "Praise not Perfection; Grace not Grindstone." And what perfect timing as I am flailing in getting life back to "normal" after three weeks of upheaval due to my mother-in-law's illness and death, return home from a funeral, and decide on, buy, wrap, and mail Christmas presents! And then to read her next post...and cry more...this too is my heart's cry for a radical Christmas.
40 Days of Surrender - Day 61 - Surrender "Getting it all right" NOW - For a list of the "Daily Lesson" titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
40 Days of Surrender - Day 58
Thursday, December 8, 2011 - Keep Surrendering
It's been 25 days since I last posted and boy has it been a whirlwind and wow have God and I had quite the conversations!
November 2nd my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer for the third time in 10 years. Nov. 9th she got news that it was inoperable and she was too weak for chemo so she had the option of choosing radiation and/or feeding tube (as the tumor was in her esophagus and causing swallowing trouble). Nov. 11th she opted against the radiation and against the feeding tube. Nov. 14-20th DH flew out to NC to spend some time with his mom and help his dad. He returned to NC Nov. 24-27th for the weekend of Thanksgiving instead of joining me and the kids in Ohio. DMIL passed away the evening of Nov. 28th. DH and I flew out Dec. 1st for the funeral on the 3rd and returned home 9pm on the 4th.
When I knew DH was going to be gone for the week before Thanksgiving and I was planning on being in Ohio with my parents the week of Thanksgiving anyway, I ended up going to Ohio a week earlier. That way I could be closer to NC if I needed to get to the funeral and the kids were already with my parents. As it turned out Mom, the kids, and I were in a hotel halfway back from Ohio when DH called the evening of the 28th with the news. My mom ended up staying 5 extra days to be with the kids so I could accompany DH to the funeral and fully focus on what needed to be done there (What an awesome Mom she is!)
So 2 weeks traveling and three weeks of upheaval and I have had a peace - I have truly sensed the prayers of the saints "holding up my arms in battle" for although overwhelmed at times, I have not been too stressed, anxious, or irritable that is not my "natural" response so I credit that to the working of the Holy Spirit in response to the prayers of His people. Thank you to anyone reading this who may be responsible for the evidence of God's hand "on earth as it is in heaven"!
And as my Dear Friend pointed out, it seems as though in the LORD's faithfulness He was preparing me for "such a time as this" by having me in this Fast of Surrender. For many of the aspects of my selfishness that I have been conscious to surrender in the last several weeks have pricked my heart again, guiding me to walk by the grace of godliness and not give in to the temptation of "fleshy feeling."
It is my desire to post some of these details in the days to come, so stay tuned...but with adjusting to "normal life" and it being in the midst of the Christmas season, I have no guesstimate on when or how often that blog-processing might be!
For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
It's been 25 days since I last posted and boy has it been a whirlwind and wow have God and I had quite the conversations!
November 2nd my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer for the third time in 10 years. Nov. 9th she got news that it was inoperable and she was too weak for chemo so she had the option of choosing radiation and/or feeding tube (as the tumor was in her esophagus and causing swallowing trouble). Nov. 11th she opted against the radiation and against the feeding tube. Nov. 14-20th DH flew out to NC to spend some time with his mom and help his dad. He returned to NC Nov. 24-27th for the weekend of Thanksgiving instead of joining me and the kids in Ohio. DMIL passed away the evening of Nov. 28th. DH and I flew out Dec. 1st for the funeral on the 3rd and returned home 9pm on the 4th.
When I knew DH was going to be gone for the week before Thanksgiving and I was planning on being in Ohio with my parents the week of Thanksgiving anyway, I ended up going to Ohio a week earlier. That way I could be closer to NC if I needed to get to the funeral and the kids were already with my parents. As it turned out Mom, the kids, and I were in a hotel halfway back from Ohio when DH called the evening of the 28th with the news. My mom ended up staying 5 extra days to be with the kids so I could accompany DH to the funeral and fully focus on what needed to be done there (What an awesome Mom she is!)
So 2 weeks traveling and three weeks of upheaval and I have had a peace - I have truly sensed the prayers of the saints "holding up my arms in battle" for although overwhelmed at times, I have not been too stressed, anxious, or irritable that is not my "natural" response so I credit that to the working of the Holy Spirit in response to the prayers of His people. Thank you to anyone reading this who may be responsible for the evidence of God's hand "on earth as it is in heaven"!
And as my Dear Friend pointed out, it seems as though in the LORD's faithfulness He was preparing me for "such a time as this" by having me in this Fast of Surrender. For many of the aspects of my selfishness that I have been conscious to surrender in the last several weeks have pricked my heart again, guiding me to walk by the grace of godliness and not give in to the temptation of "fleshy feeling."
It is my desire to post some of these details in the days to come, so stay tuned...but with adjusting to "normal life" and it being in the midst of the Christmas season, I have no guesstimate on when or how often that blog-processing might be!
For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
40 Days of Surrender - Day 33
Saturday, November 12, 2011 - Surrender Trying to Make Things Happen
This is a special weekend. I so want it to go smoothly and as I had envisioned. But then that puts more pressure on it and sets me up for disappointment.
Surrender: To Me
Surrender: Making Things Happen
Let ME Make Things Happen, according to My Will.
Sunday, November 13, 2011 - It was a lovely weekend for all!:) Everyone was glad they came. You are faithful, Father. Thank you.
For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
This is a special weekend. I so want it to go smoothly and as I had envisioned. But then that puts more pressure on it and sets me up for disappointment.
Surrender: To Me
Surrender: Making Things Happen
Let ME Make Things Happen, according to My Will.
Sunday, November 13, 2011 - It was a lovely weekend for all!:) Everyone was glad they came. You are faithful, Father. Thank you.
For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
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