If you don't know me personally, you have probably gathered from this blog that I am an intense person. Intense, intentional, serious (although I love to laugh, I am not the Fun Creator).
Lately, I have been spending Sunday afternoon - while my family naps - resting my soul with a good book, articulating and thus imprinting on my heart what God's been teaching me by posting on this blog, being refreshed and/or spiritually challenged through www.aholyexperience.com, or a combination of the above with maybe something else thrown in occasionally.
Sunday, February 19, 2012 I found myself plain worn out - physically, emotionally, spiritually...
It had been a long week and I was tired of it all -- tired of the pressure for progress with Grandpa moving in, tired of conflict with multiple loved ones, tired of the spiritual battle...
As I thought about my Sunday afternoon, my heart sank heavy - none of my usual activities sounded restful and rejuvenating...instead they felt heavy and I needed to be lightened. I didn't want to just go through the motions and I couldn't discern what would God would want me to do. Nothing sounded good except that Cheesecake Factory Brownie Cheesecake from Pancho Villa restaurant.
I went to hang my purse up and noticed the DVD in the pocket that a friend from church let me borrow to preview for DS...Cars 2. I do not like the idea of watching a movie on Sabbath -- an escape that numbs my mind and heart instead filling it with the Life-giving Truth of God and His Word, but...Cars 2 sounded good to this 31 year old mama on this heavy afternoon in February!
For some reason God gave me a peace (no guilt!) I would not have expected - a peace to drive 24 minutes round trip and spend $7 (including tip) on a slice of cheesecake! (those who know this Scottish thrift know that I normally don't have peace about that kind of "waste" of time & money) and the freedom to watch a purely entertaining film. It was a peace that said "This isn't emotional eating and this isn't an escape - this is the freedom I'm offering my beloved daughter because I love her."
And the even more pleasant surprise...I felt refreshed afterward! I know those things don't give life in and of themselves and so I was expecting to feel about the same when it was all said and done. (Which happened minutes before DD woke up from her nap and the call of motherhood rung again - thank you , LORD!) But in the LORD's faithfulness, He is the One who granted the freedom and He provided the refreshment. Cheesecake and a movie wouldn't be refreshing for me each Sunday, but when Guided by the Giver, there is even refreshment for "The Intense" in a quiet afternoon with dessert and Disney.
What a beautiful lesson, thank you, dear Father!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Jesus Mountain - Adventure of the Christian Life
How do I articulate this?
I tried at our Mom-2-Mom last Thursday (March 1, 2012) and I really feel I botched it, so I'm going to try in written form...
It's the articulation of where I am in my Christian walk. What I learning from God right now. But how do I say it without sounding self-debasing or self-righteous, over-analytical or judgmental?
I want to know Christ, I want to live out His righteousness...(Philippians 3:8ff) But to say that implies that I don't and does that come across as arrogant or belittling to someone who views me more spiritually mature than themself? "If she doesn't think she knows Christ, then she must think I really know nothing." No, no, no not at all! No, I feel like I am the babe in Christ, learning how to drink this basic spiritual milk (1 Peter 2:2): Knowing Christ, living out His righteousness instead of my own "assets" (Philippians 3:7 - do I really!?! my pride deceives me!!!) I may have been able to articulate truths for my Theology 404 class that my heart hasn't fully embraced yet. Yes, yes I know & deeply believe the truths of His life and death and resurrection...this Easter, I want to really know it. What does that take? I think that takes many Selahs. And the Selahs of the failures of fasting in Lent may just help with that.
A new Lesson to Learn for the Adventure.
For me, it's been 31 years of breathing on this earth and 16 years of those knowing Christ as my personal LORD and Savior.
16 years of hiking the mountain with God - first three years: very slowly, very flat terrain, establishing myself as a committed hiker; the next four years during college: charging that mountain, gaining a significant working knowledge of that mountain, being captivated by the breath-taking views, growing stronger by the dryness of the valleys, enjoying to minor peaks as I keep looking toward that Ultimate Peak of Heaven; two year post college: more peaks, more navigation skills, still quick pace, learning some of the finer tuned skills - growing in heart knowledge and not just head knowledge, finally committed to daily learning from The Guide Book; the last seven years: more dry valleys, more rocky terrain, more heart knowledge, more opportunities to apply the head and heart knowledge, more slips, stumbles, scrapes, blood, bruises - a more seasoned hiker to weather the storms but maybe also able to see the Hope of the Peak a little more clearly through the fog.
So, is this where God has me now after 16 years? (For the timing and pace and lessons and challenges and victories and even smaller goals of everyone's journey to the Ultimate Peak is so very vastly different!) We all start the journey on this "Jesus Mountain" with the Maker-Messiah Himself. And depending on our background and personalities and opportunities to learn and what type of learners we are etc, etc, depends on how much and how often we take the lead and when we let the Maker-Messiah navigate for us. How well do we listen to Him or do we think have been anointed the one to figure out this path now that The True Anointed One has gotten us started?
It has been my experience that echoes the stories of Scripture that the more we stay in step with the Maker-Messiah the more peaceful our trip, even when we have to weather storms.
But oh, that is so hard for this self-sufficient traveler!
So, I think this is where Maker-Messiah has me -- during this Lenten season -- at a place where I want to have a deeper understanding in my heart of hearts of my sin that sent Him to be sacrificed and the significance of that sacrifice. Oh what deep lessons that will take a life-time to continue to wrap my heart around!
John Piper's The Passion of Jesus Christ: 50 Reasons Why He Came and Died has been a resource I've tried to slowly work through to break down the self-sufficiency of my heart.
I did not Make me or any of my talents and I did not Save me nor do I sanctify myself in any way. Hmmm...that mysterious process of sanctification...I know in my head that it is all because of Christ's work, but my heart lives as if something of the sanctification part of salvation relies on my work..."work out your salvation" says Philippians 2:12. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose," says Philippians 2:13. It's a both and.
Maybe it has something to do with Tim Keller's words in the "Heart: Three Ways to Live" section of "Gospel in Life": "We need to not only repent of the bad things that we do, but we need to repent of the reasons we do good things."
"All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD." (Proverbs 16:2) Oh, how it seems like even the good things I do and want to do are tainted with impure motives or reasons. Purify me, LORD Jesus, purify me!!!
So maybe if I stay more in step with my Guide on the mountainous trails of life, I will see more clearly the path -- maybe I will want to stay away from the sin that sent Him to be sacrificed and maybe just maybe I will understand more His righteousness that I can receive through the power of His resurrection and maybe when I slip and stumble on the rocks (temptations to sin in thought, word, or action!) of the trail, I will know they were necessary to point me back to my Guide & Savior - the Only One who can & did walk the trail without slipping in order to save us and thus is the Only One I should link arms with as I navigate this Jesus Mountain called "life". It's this truth of the Grace of Christ in the midst of Failure that seems to be the key Lesson of the LORD for me on this path of the Jesus Mountain.
The Jesus Mountain is Glorious no matter which trail you are on - the beginning trail head holds so much Glorious anticipation, the steady climb gives you opportunity to enjoy His Glorious scenery, the rocky terrain & valleys gives you opportunity to cling to the Glorious One into whose Glory you are climbing! Keep hiking fellow traveler! Keep hiking in Him and through Him and for Him (Romans 11:36)!
I tried at our Mom-2-Mom last Thursday (March 1, 2012) and I really feel I botched it, so I'm going to try in written form...
It's the articulation of where I am in my Christian walk. What I learning from God right now. But how do I say it without sounding self-debasing or self-righteous, over-analytical or judgmental?
I want to know Christ, I want to live out His righteousness...(Philippians 3:8ff) But to say that implies that I don't and does that come across as arrogant or belittling to someone who views me more spiritually mature than themself? "If she doesn't think she knows Christ, then she must think I really know nothing." No, no, no not at all! No, I feel like I am the babe in Christ, learning how to drink this basic spiritual milk (1 Peter 2:2): Knowing Christ, living out His righteousness instead of my own "assets" (Philippians 3:7 - do I really!?! my pride deceives me!!!) I may have been able to articulate truths for my Theology 404 class that my heart hasn't fully embraced yet. Yes, yes I know & deeply believe the truths of His life and death and resurrection...this Easter, I want to really know it. What does that take? I think that takes many Selahs. And the Selahs of the failures of fasting in Lent may just help with that.
A new Lesson to Learn for the Adventure.
For me, it's been 31 years of breathing on this earth and 16 years of those knowing Christ as my personal LORD and Savior.
16 years of hiking the mountain with God - first three years: very slowly, very flat terrain, establishing myself as a committed hiker; the next four years during college: charging that mountain, gaining a significant working knowledge of that mountain, being captivated by the breath-taking views, growing stronger by the dryness of the valleys, enjoying to minor peaks as I keep looking toward that Ultimate Peak of Heaven; two year post college: more peaks, more navigation skills, still quick pace, learning some of the finer tuned skills - growing in heart knowledge and not just head knowledge, finally committed to daily learning from The Guide Book; the last seven years: more dry valleys, more rocky terrain, more heart knowledge, more opportunities to apply the head and heart knowledge, more slips, stumbles, scrapes, blood, bruises - a more seasoned hiker to weather the storms but maybe also able to see the Hope of the Peak a little more clearly through the fog.
So, is this where God has me now after 16 years? (For the timing and pace and lessons and challenges and victories and even smaller goals of everyone's journey to the Ultimate Peak is so very vastly different!) We all start the journey on this "Jesus Mountain" with the Maker-Messiah Himself. And depending on our background and personalities and opportunities to learn and what type of learners we are etc, etc, depends on how much and how often we take the lead and when we let the Maker-Messiah navigate for us. How well do we listen to Him or do we think have been anointed the one to figure out this path now that The True Anointed One has gotten us started?
It has been my experience that echoes the stories of Scripture that the more we stay in step with the Maker-Messiah the more peaceful our trip, even when we have to weather storms.
But oh, that is so hard for this self-sufficient traveler!
So, I think this is where Maker-Messiah has me -- during this Lenten season -- at a place where I want to have a deeper understanding in my heart of hearts of my sin that sent Him to be sacrificed and the significance of that sacrifice. Oh what deep lessons that will take a life-time to continue to wrap my heart around!
John Piper's The Passion of Jesus Christ: 50 Reasons Why He Came and Died has been a resource I've tried to slowly work through to break down the self-sufficiency of my heart.
I did not Make me or any of my talents and I did not Save me nor do I sanctify myself in any way. Hmmm...that mysterious process of sanctification...I know in my head that it is all because of Christ's work, but my heart lives as if something of the sanctification part of salvation relies on my work..."work out your salvation" says Philippians 2:12. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose," says Philippians 2:13. It's a both and.
Maybe it has something to do with Tim Keller's words in the "Heart: Three Ways to Live" section of "Gospel in Life": "We need to not only repent of the bad things that we do, but we need to repent of the reasons we do good things."
"All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD." (Proverbs 16:2) Oh, how it seems like even the good things I do and want to do are tainted with impure motives or reasons. Purify me, LORD Jesus, purify me!!!
So maybe if I stay more in step with my Guide on the mountainous trails of life, I will see more clearly the path -- maybe I will want to stay away from the sin that sent Him to be sacrificed and maybe just maybe I will understand more His righteousness that I can receive through the power of His resurrection and maybe when I slip and stumble on the rocks (temptations to sin in thought, word, or action!) of the trail, I will know they were necessary to point me back to my Guide & Savior - the Only One who can & did walk the trail without slipping in order to save us and thus is the Only One I should link arms with as I navigate this Jesus Mountain called "life". It's this truth of the Grace of Christ in the midst of Failure that seems to be the key Lesson of the LORD for me on this path of the Jesus Mountain.
The Jesus Mountain is Glorious no matter which trail you are on - the beginning trail head holds so much Glorious anticipation, the steady climb gives you opportunity to enjoy His Glorious scenery, the rocky terrain & valleys gives you opportunity to cling to the Glorious One into whose Glory you are climbing! Keep hiking fellow traveler! Keep hiking in Him and through Him and for Him (Romans 11:36)!
Friday, March 2, 2012
God's Helping Us Sweep - Little Learners
As I'm sweeping up the kitchen crumbs enough to feed a family mice for the week, DS4 says, "Mom, I want to help you sweep!" Now what mom wouldn't want to hear that! But it gets even better than that...there we are each with broom in hand, sharing the dust pan when he declares,
"Mom, God's helping us sweep."
And I say, "How do you know that?"
"Because He's in our hearts."
"You're right!"
"He helps us with everything." (the emphasis of an energetic, passionate four year old shining through)
"Yes, He does give us the strength we need for everything we do."
And isn't this the lesson I'm learning: 1) Surrender Self-Sufficiency
2) Any strength I have is the result of Christ's sacrifice
May I Learn through Child-Like Faith!
"Mom, God's helping us sweep."
And I say, "How do you know that?"
"Because He's in our hearts."
"You're right!"
"He helps us with everything." (the emphasis of an energetic, passionate four year old shining through)
"Yes, He does give us the strength we need for everything we do."
And isn't this the lesson I'm learning: 1) Surrender Self-Sufficiency
2) Any strength I have is the result of Christ's sacrifice
May I Learn through Child-Like Faith!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The Sacrifice of Lent
As I was
reviewing some memory verses lately, Ephesians 4:29 stopped me in my tracks. “Do not
let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for
building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who
listen.” (NIV)
With Ash Wednesday approaching, it dawned on me that in view of God’s mercy to me through the cross,
I could offer my words as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God as a
spiritual act of worship. Not conforming
any longer to the pattern of this world (which justifies the flinging of
letters under the guise of “personal expression” and “freedom of speech”), but -
wow - to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. (Rom. 12:1-2, NIV, not word for word) What would happen if I truly thought about
what I was going to say before I said it?
Thought about how those words will make an impact. Will they be a relational withdrawal, will
they take a piece away from that person’s (fragile?) God-made image? Or will they be words that build that person
up and benefit them in their walk with Christ?
I have “given up things for lent” many a times in the
past. And the discipline of this fasting
has proven beneficial in different ways (Hopefully I will have a future post on my fasting experiences). In years of late I
have strove to have my mindset be more of a
sacrifice in order to redirect my thoughts onto the deep, painful sacrifice
of my Savior on my behalf – something I too often take for granted. When I am tempted in that specific way, make
the suffering of Jesus for my sake be my focus, instead of that temporal
satisfaction. This transforming of my mind has proven more challenging than the actual "giving it up" itself.
And yet, it’s only a day in to this sacrificial fast and already three
times the type of words I committed to giving up are the words that have poured out of this fount which can’t decide if it wants to
house fresh water or salt water! (James 3)
Oh, dear brothers and sisters, these things ought not to be so…thank
you, Jesus, for your righteous work on the cross for me.
I exhort you in this spiritual act of worship – Go before God
and seek Him for Guidance in what He would want you to sacrifice in order to
draw closer in intimacy with Him. What
part of you would you willingly lay on the altar, the refiner’s fire, in order
for Him to take away the impurities and re-create you to look a little more
like His Suffering Servant-Son, Jesus?
Banter
Continued from original "Lent" thoughts...
I have two friends whom I banter with like sisters. This is an email I wrote to one of them regarding my Lent Sacrifice.
So
today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Lenten season. "Giving
up
something for Lent" may be baggage you have from your Catholic background. I have my own baggage on it from my Methodist background, but in the past several years, choosing something as a sacrifice to remind me of the sacrifice of my savior is a spiritual practice, I have found freeing,
humbling, and rewarding. I wanted to share my sacrifice of this season with you. I recently had Ephesians 4:29 laid on my heart, "Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only what is useful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen." I want to sacrifice my words to Jesus for the next 40 days and pray that each time I am tempted for something that is unwholesome, not building up or benefitting someone that it refines my tongue in such a way, that after 40 days my lips will flow with the words Jesus would have spoken more naturally!
I tell you this for three reasons:
1) This commitment will affect the way I speak with you and you will
probably notice and I wanted you to know what's up with that. I have been especially convicted lately that my words have been way too loose with you. I am committed to only speaking words that build you up and benefit you! So no more engaging in banter with youJ
2) As one who I speak with regularly, I ask for your accountability,
dear sister.
3) I invite you to join me. I understand this is my conviction and not
yours, so I leave it between you and God. If there is something else he
wants you to sacrifice, that is great. If He shares a reason He doesn't
want you to give up something for Lent, I will respect that, too. I just
know building habits like this is like working out - sometimes easier with a partnerJ
Love, Jill
something for Lent" may be baggage you have from your Catholic background. I have my own baggage on it from my Methodist background, but in the past several years, choosing something as a sacrifice to remind me of the sacrifice of my savior is a spiritual practice, I have found freeing,
humbling, and rewarding. I wanted to share my sacrifice of this season with you. I recently had Ephesians 4:29 laid on my heart, "Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only what is useful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen." I want to sacrifice my words to Jesus for the next 40 days and pray that each time I am tempted for something that is unwholesome, not building up or benefitting someone that it refines my tongue in such a way, that after 40 days my lips will flow with the words Jesus would have spoken more naturally!
I tell you this for three reasons:
1) This commitment will affect the way I speak with you and you will
probably notice and I wanted you to know what's up with that. I have been especially convicted lately that my words have been way too loose with you. I am committed to only speaking words that build you up and benefit you! So no more engaging in banter with youJ
2) As one who I speak with regularly, I ask for your accountability,
dear sister.
3) I invite you to join me. I understand this is my conviction and not
yours, so I leave it between you and God. If there is something else he
wants you to sacrifice, that is great. If He shares a reason He doesn't
want you to give up something for Lent, I will respect that, too. I just
know building habits like this is like working out - sometimes easier with a partnerJ
Love, Jill
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And her response was that she would pray about it; then that she didn't feel a strong leading; she's got a spiritual formation book that keeps bringing up stuff; and she's not sure what I mean by banter. When I used the specific example from a recent evening of our bantering, she seemed shocked. In her mind it was harmless teasing. In my heart sarcasm usually has a root and it's more healthy for me to avoid it completely, for when I start getting sarcastic my words too easily fly into words that tear down rather than build up and hurt rather than benefit (or I end up on the receiving end of it.)
So then I got off the phone and felt like I failed at fulfilling Ephesians 4:29 because my explanation itself made her feel guilty! AHHHHHH!!!
So this was my response...
Failure and Grace
Dear Friend,
I guess I failed at Eph. 4:29 again already today – I have a
feeling I didn’t leave you feeling built up and I have a feeling I didn’t
benefit your walk with Christ if I left you feeling guilty. A skilled
teacher is able to meet someone where they are and help them take the next
step. I’m still having my skills refined. I think Beth is much
better there than I am. I am too quick to see people’s potential, that I
think I don’t assess where they are as well. But know that was my
intention – using the lent season to help us grow in the area of the words of
our mouth; what I hoped to communicate was “wherever God had you there” not
“what it looks like for me” OR if God had another aspect of your “process
of holiness” for you to sacrifice in this season in order to better embrace the
sacrifice of Christ (because I know that’s a weakness of mine and I think for
others as well). I just think we can get overwhelmed by all of our
areas of unrighteousness that it can be beneficial to focus on just one
for the 40 days of lent in hopes that it breaks the bad habits and builds new
ones, to refine us to look more like that Savior who sacrificed His Life on our
behalf. Hope that explains more of where I’m coming from and helps
relieve the guilt that Jesus does NOT want to be there!
In His Grip of Grace as He picks me up from my falter,
Love Always,
~jill><>
Friday, February 24, 2012
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