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"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths,
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."
~ Psalms 25:4,5

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

40 Days of Surrender - Day 11

Thursday, October 20, 2011 - Conversation with God

Heavy.  Tears.

Guilt.  Speeding Ticket.  Pressure from Mom that we’re being too extreme in dealing with R.G.’s eczema.  Mom’s been taking care of the kids a lot, I’ve been gone.  Guilt.

But none of that was sin.

Heavy. Tears flowing.

Burdened.  Overwhelmed.  “Take my yoke upon you …my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest,” says Jesus.   “Let it go,” says Cindy (a friend who doesn’t even walk with the LORD!)

I can’t.  Why can’t I let go, LORD? 

I feel a responsibility to “deal with it.”  I brought it upon myself, so I must “deal with it.” 

I know you don’t think like that, God – You don’t hold me to that responsibility.  I just feel like I have to “figure it out.”

Figure what out? 

The “why” it happened, why I got overwhelmed?  “How” to fix it and “how” to avoid it in the future.

But you know you get overwhelmed, Jill, by filling your schedule with too much.

But I feel like if I dwell on it, I can understand it better.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Sigh…try to crack my neck – I’ve had this stubborn kink for days, I tried in vain to undo it myself, when’s the next time I can go to the chiropractor?  I want to put myself in the hands of him who is skilled to unkink me.  Hmmm…I want to put myself in the Hands of Him who is able to carry my burden, who delights to lighten my load. 

You can “Let Go” of the overwhelmedness,  Jill, if you can surrender your pride…surrender your need to understand all the details, surrender your drive to “be responsible” on your own strength for your own shortcomings…

Wow, God, I am not OK with You taking my shortcomings for me.  Isn’t that what you did on the cross with my sin!?!  Why then do I think that I’m burdening you too much to take my feeling of being overwhelmed and worn out!?!

Mercies anew every morning. (Lamentations 3)  It’s a new day, walk in it with Joy, Dear Daughter.  I want you to walk – light and joyful – that reflects Me.

Lord, I want to surrender this heaviness, this worn out, depressed, overwhelmedness.

I know I can trust You to take it, will I let you?

For Your glory, not just my comfort, For Your glory, LORD, for Your glory…

That’s it!  I feel like if I just let it go for my comfort, I’m cheating somehow, taking the easy, shortcut road…but if my motive is to walk in step with The Spirit, that frees me to let go for Him to be glorified through my surrender!


For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.


  1. I really like your last reflection here. I think that can speak to my insecurities. If I let it go for me, I'll feel like I'm taking "the easy way out." If I let it go for Him, I'm glorifying Him, doing as He urges me to do in His Word, and maybe even making it easier for those who watch me (though it's easy to think no one does) to do the same thing. Maybe letting it go is the harder thing, not the easier thing, because letting it go causes me to lean on Him, while carrying it lets me keep leaning on me and my own failed ways of dealing with trouble.

  2. I like that: letting it go is the harder thing, not the easier thing - that's certainly been my experience. But then the freedom and peace I experience is a blessing that ends up making it feel easier in the long run!