Wednesday, October 19, 2011 - AHHHHHH!
I don't even know what to title this one. I don't know what lessons the LORD is trying to teach me.
I got a speeding ticket yesterday - going THRITY-SIX miles an hour!!!! No, that's not 36 miles an hour over the speed limit and no it was not in a school zone. It was in a 25 mph speed trap! And to highlight the irony of this whole situation, this is only my second ticket in my 16 years of driving...and the other one was at the EXACT SAME SPOT six years ago! You would think that I would be aware to be extra careful and usually I am but I was coming from a different direction and it is just that much of a speed trap. And so now I am tempted to justify myself. But was it really sin that even qualifies for "justifying"? Yes, by the letter of the law I was breaking the law by driving at a speed higher than the posted speed limit. BUT (justifying?) I was turning from a road that was 35 miles per hour, and the 25 mph zone lasts about 6 houses before it turns into 55 mph...I was driving, not in a hurry, but at the rate natural for that space!
I was quiet before the officer because I figured he gets people trying to weasle their way out of tickets consistently and I wanted to be "set apart"...UNTIL he came back to explain everything to me and said, "OK?" And I started crying and said, "Well, no it's not OK and went on to explain how ridiculous this was but how I understood he was doing his job." Then he left and I bawled.
Why? Because I "failed" or because it was going to be 85 bucks (when money is tight) and 8 hours of a Saturday for STOP class or because of the injustice?
And I don't know WHY God let it happen because I came to the intersection and had to make a quick decision on whether I was going to go to the nicer Wal-Mart to the right or to the older Wal-Mart to the left, which was more on the way home. But I wasn't in a hurry (i.e. not speeding to get somewhere!) so I turned right. And by the way, my errand to Wal-Mart was because our Bible Study brings a meal to a ministry to Teen Moms once a month and I had offered to pick up items for my friend since she had been out of town. So, I got a speeding ticket for not speeding on my way to do a good deed for a needy ministry! I don't get it, God!
I know it's so minor in the scope of things, but the failure/expense/injustice really rocked my world - and I haven't recovered. What lesson am I supposed to learn in this? Am I supposed to surrender something? What?
For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
Maybe the lesson is that, even in our best efforts, in our most genuine pursuits of holiness, we cannot expect things to go our way. I got a speeding ticket, in the midst of dealing with my non-communicative insurance company who insulted me on the phone, after having to replace my heat pump for several thousand dollars, as I drove home from visiting urgent care to deal with a weird sinus/possible strep issue. That felt like a horrible injustice. I did the same thing - told the officer it was not okay and felt totally defeated about the situation. Same situation - money is tight, trying not to speed but to get home when not feeling well, feeling hurt that the officer questioned my story, etc. All I can do is reflect that the Lord was giving me yet another opportunity to surrender to Him. *I* didn't feel that I needed another, given everything else going on, but He did, so I have to trust that He knows best. Maybe, for both of us, the lesson is trusting Him that nothing happens outside of His plan for sanctifying us. I have to choose to believe in those moments that God is tender with us as we grieve how it feels to be handed another lesson, even if He knows we needed it.
ReplyDeleteHow interesting our "speeding" stories are so similar! Yes, *I* didn't feel that I needed that lesson. And that was part of my cry of injustice - "Why, LORD!?! I don't understand." But I guess that should remind us to trust in the LORD with all our heart and not lean on our own understanding. (Prov. 3:5,6)
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