Thursday, October 20, 2011 - Conversation with God
Heavy. Tears.
Guilt. Speeding
Ticket. Pressure from Mom that we’re
being too extreme in dealing with R.G.’s eczema. Mom’s been taking care of the kids a lot, I’ve
been gone. Guilt.
But none of that was sin.
Heavy. Tears flowing.
Burdened.
Overwhelmed. “Take my yoke upon
you …my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you
rest,” says Jesus. “Let it go,” says
Cindy (a friend who doesn’t even walk with the LORD!)
I can’t. Why can’t I
let go, LORD?
I feel a responsibility to “deal with it.” I brought it upon myself, so I must “deal
with it.”
I know you don’t think like that, God – You don’t hold me to
that responsibility. I just feel like I
have to “figure it out.”
Figure what out?
The “why” it happened, why I got overwhelmed? “How” to fix it and “how” to avoid it in the
future.
But you know you get overwhelmed, Jill, by filling your
schedule with too much.
But I feel like if I dwell on it, I can understand it
better.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your
own understanding.”
Sigh…try to crack my neck – I’ve had this stubborn kink for
days, I tried in vain to undo it myself, when’s the next time I can go to the
chiropractor? I want to put myself in
the hands of him who is skilled to unkink me.
Hmmm…I want to put myself in the Hands of Him who is able to carry my
burden, who delights to lighten my load.
You can “Let Go” of the overwhelmedness, Jill, if you can surrender your pride…surrender
your need to understand all the details, surrender your drive to “be
responsible” on your own strength for your own shortcomings…
Wow, God, I am not OK with You taking my shortcomings for
me. Isn’t that what you did on the cross
with my sin!?! Why then do I think that
I’m burdening you too much to take my feeling of being overwhelmed and worn
out!?!
Mercies anew every morning. (Lamentations 3) It’s a new day, walk in it with Joy, Dear Daughter. I want you to walk – light and joyful – that reflects
Me.
Lord, I want to surrender this heaviness, this worn out,
depressed, overwhelmedness.
I know I can trust You
to take it, will I let you?
For Your glory, not just my comfort, For Your glory, LORD,
for Your glory…
That’s it! I feel
like if I just let it go for my comfort, I’m cheating somehow, taking the easy,
shortcut road…but if my motive is to walk in step with The Spirit, that frees
me to let go for Him to be glorified through my surrender!
Sigh…
For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
For a list of all the daily lesson titles in the 40 Days of Surrender in one place, Click Here.
I really like your last reflection here. I think that can speak to my insecurities. If I let it go for me, I'll feel like I'm taking "the easy way out." If I let it go for Him, I'm glorifying Him, doing as He urges me to do in His Word, and maybe even making it easier for those who watch me (though it's easy to think no one does) to do the same thing. Maybe letting it go is the harder thing, not the easier thing, because letting it go causes me to lean on Him, while carrying it lets me keep leaning on me and my own failed ways of dealing with trouble.
ReplyDeleteI like that: letting it go is the harder thing, not the easier thing - that's certainly been my experience. But then the freedom and peace I experience is a blessing that ends up making it feel easier in the long run!
ReplyDelete